The Drunken Watching of: V/H/S
REMINDER: I’M NOT FIXING ANY TYPOS BECAUSE I’M DRUNK AND IT WILL MAKE THIS BLOG MORE SILLY AND INSTRESTING
Firstly. Allow me to say a couple of ting.s
- This is, legit, the most creepy movie I have EVER watched. CREEPY being the kety word there.
- This is the first time I’ve watched the film since. Well. The first time I’ve watched it.
- Hopefully. I don’t pass out.
Yet. All thats going through my head at the moment. it all has something to do with being an asweomse person. And. You know. I’ve got to now longer do ramblings such as this. And everythiung.
As alwatys. If you don’t know how this rambling workd? Basically. You’re dumbe. But. To put it simply. Once again. I’m watching this creepy movie, V/H/S cause. it’s Halloween. And when I have a thought to share. I’ll do so here. Basically.
If you, for whatever reason, still don’t know what goes on afterh this? Then. Whatever. Forever hold your peace. basically.
- OH NO!~ SO MUCH JENNIFER LAWRENCE RAPE HAPPENING!
- Boys being boys. AmIright?! You know. Graffityi. Breakign shit. Just. Cause.
- OHHHH! AND NOW WE’RE MAKING OUT AD TSAKING CLOHES OFF IN THIS FOUND FOOTAGE FILM!
- THENWE GO BACK TO MORE GRAFFITI!
- ABD MORE JENNIFER LAWRENCE RAPE!
- Abd,,, creepy musaches. DUN DUN DUNNN!
- Right off the bat. None of this. NONE of it. Makes ANY sense. Junnifer Lawrence type of rape happening. And like. Arghuing. And jobs pay.Thati’s it so far.
- Amfd now more of a porno! KINDA!
- “I’M SO SCARED RIGHT NOW!”
- Screw this. I’m going to turn the light off. And hopefully. I won’t pass out.
- And. Some old guy’s here right now!
- I juysty turned the lihts off in mhy room. Yo know it’s serioust now.
- Dead dudes. 2016.
- I vet. If I were watcvhigh thid in a move theater right now… this would be a LOT more creepy.
- Unless… you kow… there were audeince member just svreaming nfer or no reason.
- Google Glass ex-machina? Smething like tha? No. Idon’t know what it means.
- Dude’s randomly humping the side of the bed. I feel you, mang.
- So. The fguys that randomly sumble upon this “VHS” tape. Are pretty muc hte SAME people in the “VHS” tape? Aewsome.
- Alrght. I love me some girls with big eyes. But really.
- Oh yeah. And some how. The google glass ca was recorded on a VHS tape. Just cause.
- i’d like me too if I had Google Glass! RIGHT?! UP TOP!
- AND NOW! WE PRESENT TO YOU SOME REAL RAPE! NOT J-LAW STYLE!
- Although… it’s still GOOGLE GLASS STYLE!
- FOUND GOOGLE GLASS FOOTAGE! IN 2011!
- Feminism. 2011. VOTE!
- As far s creepiness goes. Thi IS well done. Legit.
- I’M SO SCARED RIGHT NOW!
- This makes a better Viagra commercial than a scary movie right now. Just saying.
- yet. Stilll creepy and awesome.
- WITH GOOGLE GLASS! STILL ON HIS FACE! FLYING AROUND!
- Now… we’re randomly at a couple’s retreat at a dirty hotel? I seriously don’t remember this bit.
- PAPI! SAY IT AIN’T SO! 🙁
- Ron Burgundy says nakedness is a good idea!
- YOU LOOK SO HOT BABE!
- Sweatshirts are boring. Indeed.
- She was a college age girl? THANKS MR. BAY!
- It’s like, really. Really. Weird.
- Meth problems? JESSE! YOU IMBOSIL!
- Seriously. The bad guy has a vibrator right in front of the camera at this point.
- And honestly. During this “money stealing” bit. You see some decent acting, I think. You know. During this “couples’ retreat” bit.
- GRAND CANYON! VIEWS! SHAKY CAM!
- RUSSO SWERVE! ISIS BEHEADING! AND THE GIRL WAS IN ON IT!
- Back to the orginal “bro-downing bros.” And. They’re VHS’ing it up. MOE MONEY!
- And so. All women are evil. EVIL!
- Honestly. I remember this as being one of my favorite parts of the movie. So. I’lll try to enjoy it for a bit.
- HERPES TREE!
- Three dudes. Two gils. Hmm.
- With the way the rest of this movie has gone. You know. SEXIST!
- Yeah. Easily. This is the most awesome part of he movie.
- This bit? it take thenormal… slasher flick genre… and it makes it AWESNME. Seriously.
- And no. “making it awesome” has nothing to o with making oit Blair Withc hstyle.
- But still. It was an awome ake on the”slasher fick” genre. Seripisly.
- Boobs on Skype? Instantly. Things aren’t scary anymore.
- OK. Now. Skyping “in the dark.” Scary again.
- So. These two have known each other since they were really little? Alright.
- Seeing little kids “haunting” the place? Alright.
- I’ve got a random lump on my arm that seems to keep growing. :\ Maybe my house is haunted too! But probably. It’s cancer. WOMP! WOMP! WOMP!
- Nope. No cell phone to take camera flashes. Just this random, awesome, professional camera!
- So. This “haunted” college appartment turns peoples into cutters. WHOA!
- SCIENCE DENIERS!
- And so… as we can see. All women are evil. THey’re all in on murderous plots. Even to kill each other. And steal organs from other women.
- WAR ON WOMEN! BY WOMEN!
- Or is it aliens? I don’t now.
- WAIT! I HAVE A TRACKING DEVICE IN MY ARM TOO?!
- And so. Randomly. THe guy’s moved on tosomeoenj else he’s known ALL of his life?! MAD GAME BRO!
- THE DEAD GUY IS AN ISIS MEMBER!
- Yet somehow. We get mor found footage. You kow. As if it weren’t found enough before. Or some.
- It was found footage eofre. BUT THIS TIME! IT’S HALLOWEEN! AND IT’S PISSED OFF! AT MIDNIGHT!
- IN 1998!
- So. THis is the Inception of found footage movies. Forreals. You now. It’s found footage. INSDE of found footage!
RANDOM SIDENOTE: I wasn’t the only one that was reminded of Marvel’s Punisher when I saw this movie’s poster. Right?
- ABANDONED house scariness!
- Honestly. I haven’t paid much attention to the movie after the woods bit. So.
- Whatever’s going on in 1998’s Halloween faux party. I couldn’t care less at this point.
- And then. None of this shit makes sense. The movie loses its relevence after that slasher mobie/woofds thing. Seriouslty.
- Train crashes. And.
Hopefully. This put you in the “Halloween” spirit. This movie is. Very creepy. It is very muc worth a wtch. Especially in the dark. And like. By yourselfd. Or something like that. As far as modern horror goes? This is easily the best I’ve seen. Next to Saw. Of course.