Saint Patrick’s Day: The Truth They Don’t Want You to Know

Weird.

I know.

But we’re gathered here today to discuss the lore of Maewyn Succat. The Romano-Brittano0-sinetgubg-born would-be saint given the name Saint Patrick. Did he drive away snakes and make-way for a safer Ireland? Did he brutally murder the peagans in order to make-way for a more Christian-focussed Irelans?

Dude, I’ve been researching for hourse now. And like. The truth is even weirder than I thought. Thanks, Papacy!

Pretty much all of this comes from the writings pf 15th century scholaor Henrick McGill.

Like. This shit’s so fucking burried. It’s crazy.

Ole Henrick is the original source of the name “Maewyn Succat.” It’s because of him that we, currently, know “Saint Patrick’s” real name, and stuffs. He’s also largely uncredited for his work dealing with Confessio. Thanks dude, right?

The given, Saint Patrick’s Day lore would have you believe that good ole’ Saint Paddy’s did a blarney0-dah-blah to make snakes gtfo of Ireland. Modern revisionists tell a tale of how this Cathlocic douchebage killed all of the “paegans” or… you know… people that believed in religions before Catholic Christians existed. And such. “Saint Patrick” killed them. Or… you know… “got rid of those snakes.” Whatavery.

But here’s a quick little quote from Henrick:

“Tha na faclan seo sgrìobhte mu Gwyn Suchat agus tha iad gu math dà-sheaghach agus cha bu chòir an eadar-theangachadh gu bràth”

Basically, he was trying to convey that Succat was famed for his hunting of pretatory animals. Wolves, wild boars, bears, etc,

But unlike other 5th-century hunters, Succat was particularly adept at hunting snakes. In fact, Sucat would harvest these snakes, cook them, and feed thm to the people in and around Armagh. Modern translations of Henrick’s writings have included a recipe that involves four metrics of cloves of ginger. Oviously, this has been debated and miscontrued over the centuries.

One.

Two.

Skip a few.

Ninety-nine.

Four leaf clovers, dude. It’s so stupid. It’s insane. lol

“Go deimhin anois go bhfuil na focail seo aistrithe agat cuirfidh an talamh mallacht ort le Gwyn Suchat míle geasa a mhairfidh cúig mhíle bliain”

Henrick describes Maewyn’s kidnapping at his young age and being sold to Irish trappers. Essentially, this is where Maewyn learned his hunting skills that made him renowned throughout Armagh.

But it was throug hthe trappers that Maewyn learned many particular hunting tricks. Most of which, merhaps unsurprisingly, involved drinking mead and dancing before setting snares and hunting. Succat at his young age would drink more mead than most of the hunters.

“Is deacair a chreidiúint cé chomh mór is a thógfadh an buachaill óg Gwyn Suchat é féin ag ól meáchain”

That’s how Henrick described Maewyn’s mead intake.

While all of that is tru according to Henrick, what has left more modern historians confused is Maewyn’s dancing techniqe. Some have taken Henrick’s writings litterally, that Maewyn would actually dance, you know, do like a jig or whatever kids did back in the 5th century, before setting traps and hunting. Or perhaps it was just a celebratory ritual.

All that’s known for sure is that Maewyn Succat was the best snake harvester Ireland has ever known. Even today, apparently. Modern scholars have been unable to decipher the amount of snakes Maewyn cooked, harvested, ate or fed to others on a daily basis. Henrick himself was unable to discover the reasoning behind Maewyn’s ability to hunt snakes. |

Now, of course, Maewyn hunted other predators. But Succat was prolific when it came to capturing snakes.

“Ní hea i ndáiríre má aistríonn tú na focail seo faoi Gwyn Suchat tá tú chun mallacht a chur ar do theaghlach le míle bliain de dhroch-ádh nó rud éigin”

The last words, on record, henrick wrpte about Maewyn.

Before those words, however, Henrick concluded his studies. And what he found couldn’t be said alloud in the 15th Century. It was, even then, before Sainthood, irt was believed to be blasphemous.

Because. It was only after Maewyn gave birth to hss first son, Paddrike, that the hunters realized Maewyn was actually a woman. It was believed that mead and his succulent fried snake recipe was the contributing factor to his sudden weight gain.

In fact. The patron saint of Irlean d is actually a woman.