12DoDM19 — D5: Watching of Love Actually

So, I mean, In it’s heyday, Red Eye with Greg Gutfeld was like… one of the bezt talk shows on television. I mean. Everhthng PRE… I dunno. 2013. Or so. Hell. EVERYHTHING Pre-2008, especially. Greg Gutfeld, Bill Shulz, TV’s Andy Levy… those three (with… producer dude who still works on The Greg Gutfeld Show currently, AND PLENTY of other off screen heroes [Bull Shulz was, OBVIOUSLY one of those off screen heroes] I’m sure( they all crezted a classic liberal )or Libertarian) cable news show. Hosted on Fox News. That is one of the most brilliant pieces of television. Ever. I mean. The dumb, little intros that “The New York Times Correspondant,” Pinch would do… utter brilliance.

RIP, my dude.

The ONLY reason I’m mentioned Red Eye is because. Dude. It’s the FIRST time I heard of a film caled, Love Actually. And. I mean. I have NOE ide what’s true or what’s what. But like. The gimmick…. at least… percieved gimmick was… Greg HATED Love Actually, meanwhile… TV’s Andly Levy loved it. I mean. I reache out to the TV personality, Andy Levy for a comment. But. I’ve yet to hear back. Obviously.

The point is. That’s the frst time I heard of the movie. Since watching, I know it has to do with Christmas. So. Boom. Wathing of. This’ll be the first time I’ve watched the movie since like… 2013? I unno. Probably later than that. But. Whatever. I lean towards the Andy Levy camp. SO.

LFG!

  1. NOTE TO SELF: Remember, Rhan. About a Boy could be a Christmas movie. You know. In 2020. Or whatever.
  2. OK. So. Something about 9/11. From British people. Immediately. Hrmph. But. Love Actually is all around. Cool Roll credits!
  3. Then. What’s his name. lol… Noah Rilely is the only name I’m coming up with. But he’s the dude from About a Boy… you know… the dude that just did the narration… Ugh. Him. Now… I don’t even remembver what I was gonna say about him even. So. Nevermine.
  4. Old dude’s singing about Christmas. Like Noah Riley’s dad. Or Grandad. Or whoever it was that he lived off of the royalties in About a Boy. lol
  5. I guess I should be watching that movie instead. Right? Cause Like. Colin Firth is a thing. In like… 2003. Or somewheres in there. When this movie was made.
  6. Liam Neason’s here now. Taling to Dame.. Leslie Thompkins. Or whatever. Whoever is the person from Stranger Than Fiction.
    Then… all of a sudden. The secratary fro Apider-Man 2 made a cameo? I think? Now, we’re on a porn set.
  7. Then special agents? Or something? and oof. THERE HE IS? I THINK?! THE FUTURE RICK GRIMS?!

    Insert your OWN goddamn “NO CARL!” meme.
  8. Although. I’ll say… he didn’t look as young as I thought he would.
  9. Waitaminute. Who’s the PM person? Oh… Noah Riley.. Fuck. Hugh Grant. Duh.
  10. So. Basically. Ali G is the PM. Like in Ali G Indahouse@ So…
  11. oof. Catholocism. Or. C of E. Or. whatever. either way. Creey cult shit. Of Christianity. Which. I mean. OK. CREEPIEST of cult shit. Of Christianity.
  12. Choir sings “All You Need is Love?” The fuck’s happening? Was the Rick Grimes in the Wedding? No. Colin Firth. The King’s Speech Impediment.
    RANDOMISH SIDENOTE: While Greg an I, seemingly, disagree with this movie, he’s SPOT ON with The King’s Speech. Like. We’re meant to feel bad for a LITERAL bazillionaire King. Because. AWWWW… HE CAN’T TALK INTO A MICROPHONE WITH NO ONE WATCHING HIM?!

    Aww… poor Shawn Michaels…
  13. Back on the porn set. With that dude from the Marvel movies.
  14. And something about Liam Neason killing people? At a funeral? I don’t know. Quit being Irish in London. You cunt.
  15. Ooof. What’s her name. From Ozark shows up. Asking if Rick Gries is gay. Such American. Fuck her.
  16. Then. You know. Metatron shows love interest in her.
  17. Billy pop artist person. Is played by Shaun’s stepdad. And this radi interview is going downhill. Britney Spears was a bad lay, addorcing to him. So.
  18. UGH! “FATHER CHRISTMAS!” My world just ended because they just signified that Santa Claus has a gender. FUCK YOU, MOVIE!
  19. Yeah. So. Billy Bob Thorton is gonna be the President. And. I rememer him being stupd, Like. “OH NO! AMERICA SUCKS!” KIina thing.
  20. PM falls for his intern. Oof. Might as well be Prince Andrew hopping aboard the Lolit Express at this point, innit?
  21. Oh no. Sideboobs happen. on the porn set. So. Uh… those of you with masterphobia need to reove this movie from your list.
  22. Random British dude wants to go to Amrica to bone American girls. Cause. I mean. He’s right. That’d totally work. Even in a Me Too environment.

    Just leaving this here.
  23. HOLD THE FUCKING PHONE… OR WHATEVER THE RELEVANT SAYING IS IN 2019… Dame Emma Thompson. Just said. And I quote…

    People hate sissies.

    In regards to Liam Neasson crying. Alluding to people disliking gay people. I heard it. Here. Now. Year of our Lord. 2019. Revoke her knighthood NOW! tHIS IS AN OUTRAGE!

  24. Something about Liam being a steppdad? Cool. Right? I mean. It’s not a story often explored in movies.
  25. But. I mean. Dude married kid’s mom. That died. So. It’s not TOTAL stepdad status. It’s kinda like… FORCED stepdad status. But. At least. British Hollywood is trying? Or something.
  26. FUCK YES! THE NOKIA RINGTONE!
  27. Colin Firth is mumbling around the place.
  28. Noah Riley’s MeToo’ing too much shit for my liking. FFS. He ecen wants to know where she lives? DOES HE NOT KNOW HE HAS A POWER DYNAMIC OVER HER? JESUS CHRIST I’M SO TRIGGERED! It OBVIOUSLY doesn’t matter that she’ into him. HE’S HER BOSS! THE WORL’DS GOING TO END!
  29. Liam’s like, “Alright. I’m not going to kill anybody. But Damn it. I’m your stepdad. And I’m going to make sure you bone this black girl you’re in love with.”
  30. Shaun’s dad stil can’gt be bothered with press junkets. Obviously. LOLz!
  31. FUCK YEAH! RICK FRIMES IS WORKING IN A DEPARTMENT STORY! AND HE’S ALWAYS NICE!
  32. h. FFS. That’s right. Rick Grimes ins in love with that girl that just got married. Ugh.

    Yeah dude. Love. Actually does that.
  33. oor. Dude. King’s speech falls in love with a Spanish girl. Of coure.
  34. Because.. Random Brits know LOTS of Spanish. So.
  35. Because. Rhe Star Spangld Banner ia rh score whereever the President shows up.
  36. Billy Bob being the defaacto George Dubs is… simultneouly smarter. And dumbe than the real thing. Because. British Hollywood. Oof.
  37. Noah Riley grew ballls three times larger than Tony Blair ever did. Because Billy Bob wanted to bang his intern? Oof. MeToo all over the place. WAY too much.
  38. Sp yeah. Politics. Quit shitting where you eat. FFS.
  39. So. YEah. This is why Greg ghated this movies.
  40. And. I mean. It’s obviously dumb. But like. ALL Christmas movies are dumb so.
  41. FFS. Emma Thompson knows Liam AND Metatron? The fuck dude? PLUS SHE’S NOAH RILEY’S SISTER?!
  42. And. Uh… The movie tries to pull off some sort of Risky Business scene? WIh the PM? Noah Riley?
  43. Now… we’re typing on Morse coe becaude King’s sepeec can’g speak Spanish? And the Spaniard does a stri[tease? And like. Oof.
  44. This isn’t bloody Shakesripier. Obviously. Motto of my life. Or whatever.
  45. Dud. This shit isn’t Spanish. The fuc’s happening?
  46. Oh. Merhaps Italian? FFs. Ugh.
  47. Ugh. They both love each other. So God damn much. But can’t tell each oher. Because language. Fucking. ugh. Right now. With this.

    Memeception. Begins! I’m just saying, quick, think “FATTER,” as in. Like. “MATTER.” German fr father and mother. Kinda. Rifht? I dunno. I laughed. Ruck you.
  48. Rick Grimes is back now! Thanks.
  49. So. Rick Grimes is in love ith a postwoman? Or something? Not.. POST-woman… But. oof. ugh. Lock me uo, Brittain. I deserve it for that joke. I’m sorry I’m a white, cis male lesbian. I’m sorry I’m entitled and privledged!
  50. Oh yeah. Rick Grimes is a photographer this go-round. Cherio.
  51. Oof. The only time wedding photography got someone laid. Or. You know. Close to it.
  52. OK. Rick Grimes did look young there.
  53. Noah Riley’s like, “i’ve been living with a shado over head…
  54. LMAO… “Noah Riley” isn’t even the dude’s name I “confused” him with.
  55. Titanic happens all of a sudden? Like. Legit. We should have copyright claims all over the heoll.
  56. Young kid. Liam’s step kid. Falls for “The one.” When he’s like. eight. GTFO.
  57. Noah Riley’s like. Despressed now.
  58. The King’s Seoeech still isnt speaking Spanish.
  59. The fuck? Isn’t “Gracias” Spanish for “Thank you?” or whatever. In Reverse? The fuck happened here? Spanish woman loves The King’s Speech. For. LITERALLY no reason. But he loves her. Because. She’s a woman. AMIRITE?!
  60. Sam? I rhink that’s the kid’s name? Is coming up with a plan to find her. And kill her. But like. With lov. With Liam.
  61. And. WE’re all going to hell. Because. Obviously we’re geting Christmas lights all over the hell. And we’re in a montage. Before, we’re reminded for a split second that Laura dern is in this movie. Then. IMMEDIATELY afterwards, Metatron shows up. So.
  62. Shaun’s stepda is still a miserable cnt. Even on Christmas eve.

    Yeah. I’m giving as much of a shit about this rambling as Shaun’s stepdad gies a shit about a Christmas special?
  63. Waitminute. Laura Dern show up again and she’s gonna dnce with some due?
  64. Some Heny Cavill person, I don’t think  I’ve cared about is about to bone Laura Dern now. So.
  65. Love, Actually, duesn’t matter at all. Lt’s just bang. AMIRITE?! UP TOP!
  66. Laura Dern does a nude scene? Forreas? Not Some sort of Life of David Gale type of body double?
  67. NOPES! NKIA RINGTONES!
  68. And. Henry Cavil an Nora Dern bone. But not nude. Obviously.
  69. lol.. I caled that ugly asshole Henry Cavil? The fuck’s wrong with me?
  70. That’s like saying Sam Driver… the antagonist person from these Star Wars movies things. He’s a boy band kid. So good looking. Oof. If onlh I was boyband-like as Driver… person. From Girls and Star Wars!
  71. LMAO! Sam Driver. JOIN US~! Obviously I meant…

    Adfam Driver. So many LOLz. Forreals.
  72. Anf now. We’re here. At the pangeant whrre like. Everyone meets eberyone. Kinda.
  73. Snape is still like, ” I’m a dick.” To Mr. Bean. THe bartender.
  74. lol. Shit. I’m obviopuslt not paying attention. At all. I was WAY TOO dixated over the Sam/Adam situon here. Ugh.
  75. FFS. One week till Christmas?! Ugh
  76. Oh eah. Uh. The dude from the Marvel movies is still in a porno. And getting a blowjob now. And he’s falling in love with actress she’s wortking with.
  77. Snape is in love with a dame.
  78. Something about Stone Cob.
  79. WE’RE GONNA NEED A MMONTAGE! A SPORTS TRAINING MONTAGE!
  80. Ao. British dude in America. gets boned. By every woman ever. Obviuosly.
  81. Average due in England. Becomes an 20/10 in America. Obviously.
  82. Has a MFFF Foursome. Obviously.
  83. And the movie spends WAY too much i=time on this.
  84. Sape andd a Dame have a Christmas with kids? I dunno.
  85. Snape’s in love with you, Dame. Come off it. Innit?
  86. Yeah. Dude. We’re spending 10 minutes. On Snape and a Dame. FOr no reason.
  87. THey spent the past month boning eah other. THey hsould be in love. Right?
  88. FUCK YEAH!

    We finally get the moneyshot Ive been waiing for!
  89. Shaun’s stepdad is staying with… someone… or something. Who cares.
  90. PM Noah Riley’s decide’s he need s to MeToo his intern because she sent him a love letter. And. He spends all of the labor party’s money searching from house to house to find her.
  91. Until. He. Obviously finds her. And something about a Christmas carrol and/or pageant. Again. HE DOES REALIZE HE HAS POWER OVER HER?! RIGHT?! IN 2019?~!
  92. Everyone’s racing to the same place. So.
  93. Yups. It’s a pageant.
  94. Sam river, child. His girl friend is American. And leaving. And. Black!
  95. Snape and a dame awakward the shit ut of each other.
  96. Liam and Sam Driver decide they need to stalk a bitch to the airport. Because. Liam never told Sam Driver’s mom that he loved her enough. Or. Whatevr. Liam has a meet cute. Out of no wheres. Of course.
  97. King George the XV or whateever… he deceides to stalk some woman in Spaoin or whatever.
  98. Air portns.
  99. King George goes on a hunger strike. Or. Whatever that march is about.
  100. Shaun’s dad strips nude on the tele in his Christmas special.
  101. Sam says:
  102. Thought you didn’t know my name? Oh Jesus! I’ve got to run!

  103. dLiam’s like: Alright. I’m gonna find Joanne and I’ll kill her. Or something. But. Of course. Awwww! Sam accept’s Liam as his father~!
  104. King’s speech isn’t well nough to find some random waitress. Until he sees her with his own eyes. And the conffess thir love fr each other. Of course.
  105. lolz. Everyon’s all friends. Ovouiuslt. In the airport.
Merhaps next year. After w e have 15 more elections btween now and then. Happy, father Christmas.

Overall? The movie gets 3 cue cards out of 5.

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