REMINDER: I’M NOT FIXING ANY TYPOS BECAUSE I’M DRUNK AND IT WILL MAKE THIS BLOG MORE SILLY AND INSTRESTING
Alrighty…. Since I came come from the casinos… my Favebook was fulll of EVERYONE being all exited about ‘Maia. And various stuffs like that. So… I’ll try and make this quick and make a bit of a predicutions of who I think is gonna win and what ithink is gonna happen.
Rey Misterio vs. Cody Rhodes
One of the blandest rivalries to date. Seriously. It’s pretty damn generic. Misterio “ruins the dashinf d00d” and then… he hates ahim and thisnks hises’ a freak.
This is going to be about the equivelant of Brett Hart/ Vinnie Mac from last yeatr’s Mania. Not in the sence of match quality. But in the sense of boringness. The sad part is? This is about the biggest buildup this “Mania has.
Prediction: Misterio takes it. obviously.
Sheamus vs. Daniel Bryan
Eh… another bland buildup. I’m not sure what else to say but I know I need to say more in order for this to not look all messed up.
Umm… Let’s see. This MAY be the sleeper match ofthe night. I mean, on paper… it sounds absolutely disgusting. eSrious ly . But… other then that, this match really has… nothing.
Prediction: Sheamus. They’ve got some heat behind him at the moment, and I don’t think they’re going o kill it off just like that. A win at ‘Mania is what he needs. Bryn could, OBVIOULY use the win just as much. But… he’s not Sheamus. Not in WWE’s world.
Eight Man Tag Team Match
Blah, blah, blah and a fucking BLAH… Holy shit. And I ACTUALLY was considering buying this ‘Mania? (would be the first since XXIV).
Basically… Corre (God… I seriousl hate this cgroops… I mean.. Nexus awas liame enough… then they split it into two? FFS.) destroyed Kane (All of a sudden he’s a MEGA face again~!) and Big Show. Then they did some stuffs to Santino and Kozloff. Now… we get some sort of stupid BS that deserves to be on SmackDown (Not even a Raw), yet… it’s on the card for Mania~!
Prediction: Corre. None of the other four d00dz needs the win. Coorre, they’re cactually trying to make credicble for… whatever rreason.
Randy Orton vs. CM Punk
Punk/New Nexus eliminates Orton from the Rumble. Oton doesn’t like this… tries to get reventge. Doesn’t. Stuff.s Punk mentions how this shit goes back to 2008, Styffs, Orton punts the other members of Nexus in the head, Pnk doesn’t like this. DStuggs.
This will be a decent match. Probably *** stars. But… it should be on a card for Backlach. Err… One night Stangd… Err… Extreme Rules. Not ‘Mania worthy.
Prediction: Randy Orton. This is a serious toss up. One of just a few on this card. I can ESLY see it going either way. But… I think Orton’s gonna have to take this one.
John Morrison, Trish Stratus and Snooki vs. Dolph Ziggler and Lay-Cool
Nothing more needs to be said. Seriously. This is going to be shit. Save for a few spots here and there with Morrison and Ziggler (who is TOTALLY Bill Gunn in the next five years).
Basicall… Snooki “guest hosts” Raw a couple weeks ago… they paid her enough money to “wrestle” a match at mania. And… yeah.. You’ve got yourself this. Seriously. The only good thing about this match is the fact that Tristh Status is in it. That’s it.
Prediction: Snooki takes the pinfall. Seriously. No celebrity loses at ‘Mania. EVER. IF NOT… then Ziggler pins Morrison.
Jerry Lawler vs. Michael Cole with Special Referee “Stone Cold” Steve Austin
I’m srory to go here. Again. But… Blah, blah, blah, and a FUCKING blah. There is NO redemption from this. At all. Cole is WWE’s TOP heel. I’ll say that. But… how fucking sad is that? The regular wrestler CAN’T get the heat he’s got. That’s fucking ridiculous. Almost as ridicuouls as TNA instrting studio “boos” onto their shows.
Cole’s a heel announcer. Jerry’s a face one. Add in a couple “OMG~! PWERSONAL~!” spots in between… and you’ve got the build up of this match.
Prediction: Jerry Lawler. No face loses when Austin’s the ref. Never.
Edge vs. Alberto Del Rio
This match makes me cry. On so many different levels. But… here we go.
Excuise me while I get more drunk.
Del Rio wins the Rumble. Edge retained at Elimination Chamber (was there REALLY a need to change this PPV’S name fgrom No Way Out? Talk about dumbing down your audience…). Throw in this big numb nuts from NXT, spots with, “WAITAMINUTE~!… Edge and Christian used to be partners… ANFD THEY’RE BEST FRIENDZ?~! No wayz d00d~!” and there’s your World Heavyweifght Championship build up for ‘Mania.
I can’t stand Del Rio. He’s NOT entertaining. At all. But even the “smartest” smarks whack it wheneve r the d00d’z on TC. As much as it mapains me to do this…
Prediction: Alberto Del Dio. This is another toss up. The second out of three. I’m only going with this one because… (it”ll be explained, I promised).
The Undertaker vs. Triple H (No Holds Barred Match)
Talki about weak ‘Mania build up… For as good of a match as this wil be… it has NOTHING gor build up as ide from last week’s Raw. Seriously. That segment is what got me whyped up for ‘Mania and almost convinvced me to bu y it.
But.. to explain… Undertaker returnds after a decent bit of hype from viral-ness (which would have been WAY better spent on hiring Sting). Tri[ps IMMEDIATELY interuots. They look at Mania thing in the arena. And… BOOM~! they’re gonsta has a match~!. Trips says stuffs on Raw. Taker says stuffs ofn SmackDown, Neither mention WrestleMania X-Seven, because it’s as evil as Chris Benoit. They meet again last week and Michaels is there too to tell Trips that he can’t win. And… there you go.
Prediction: Undertaker. Obviously. Trips is not foing to end the streak. Not even the master of burials would do this.
The Miz vs. John Cena
Again… another eh…
This match will be as entertaining as five dogs working hoola-hoops! So says Vinnie Mac. Never mind the fact that this has happened on Raw. Like… five times already. But hey… klets’ go with it. The only redeeming part of this mess?
The fact that The Rock is involved. And he’s “guest hosting,” ‘Mania as well. I’ve still got a bad feeling that Rock’s going to help Cena win. Maybe not. But… oh well.
The build up? Eh… eff it. This one SERIOUSLY is not even worth mentioning. Cause it’s all been about Cena and Rock.
Prediction: John Cena. OK… here we go. This is the third and final toss up of the night. OK… third and a half if you wanna be a douche and count the lameness of that one match. Anyways… I don’t see ‘E disappointing the kiddies tonight. Therefor, Cena’s got to win. BUT… I can also see that they don’t want to deminish Miz quit e yet. A win ofver Cena at ‘Mania would Catapult him to the forefront of WWE. No question about it. And… to go back to the Edge/ADR match…
IF Del Rio wins, Cena takes it. If Edge wins, it’s all Miz’s.
Overall. This will be another lame WrestleMania. Even worse then last years. They’ve seemed to be able to come up with this pattern. Every ‘Mania is worse than the year before. 25 was lame, aside from Michaels/Taker. 26 was even lamer, asidefrom Michaels/Taker. This one will eb ENTIRELY TOO lame… aside from Trips/Taker and you’ll probably get some decent bits with the Rock sprinkled in between (am I the only one PRAYING for something with Rock/Santino?~!).
Glad I came to my senses and decided to not buiy it.
Look out fgor, “The Drunken Watching of WrestleMania XXVII” blog… coming soon.