Story Teller

This rambling? It;s an autobiographical piece of nonsense. Mostly.

Starting with. You know. That image up there. That Batman action figure? It’s now worth like $200ish dollars MOC (mint on card_). And dude. I had that like. Prioe to my fifth birthday in Champlain. HI FAMILY! My fifth birthday, at Champlain, or whatever. All I know for sure was that Dnaiel from Chruch was there. And Daniel from church was a “silly” kid my dad hated. “Silly kids,” were annoying to him, basically.

I remember my dad saying that to me. You know. Some time after this birthday event, thing happened.

And I remember seeing the home video of the birthday. And Daniel was there. In the Champlain house. Home video camera panned on him first. And he was waving his hands, all silly-like. And then the camera panned to me. Responding to Daniel’s enthusiam. And I waved sillily in response.

And. Again. Look at that action figure aboke. That’s now worth like, $200 and shit. I already had that. And I think, on this fifth birthday of mine. Daniel gave me Penguin. And. I think my parents, or, somebody else, anways gave me the same gift. And I was, as a five-year-old, like, “WTF is this?!” Right? But. Whatever.

THE point of this bit of nonsense, is: I once owned that Batman action figured. Seent up there. That’ now worth something like $200.

BUT.

I used that Batman action figure to discover. Something about myself. Something that, I’ve… LARGELY since forgotten. Since like… I don’t know, after I turned 20? Or so?

I’ve neglected this part of myself.

But. All-in-all. It… basicaly… begn with this:

Dude.

And. Even thjough I had SO MUCH MORE at my disposal. Like this. ANd this. And this. that’s the cape I used, all te time cause it was blue, “like Batman’s in the cartoon, thing!” And.. Somewheres between all of this. I discovered the Batman: The Animated Series episode: “Two-Face.” And. Yeah dude. I was hooked on story telling. Because. Although I saw Batman (1989) and Batman Returns as a young, like, one-four year old… logically. It was the aforementioned Animated Series episode that made me LOVE antagonisgs.

Because. Bruce Timm and the like. They created this narrative I hadn’t seent before. Right. Batman, or, you know, Bruce Wayne, was best friends with this Harvey Dent guy. This Harvey Dent guy became Two-Face. Someone that hated Batman. Even though Batman/Bruce Wayen/whatever LOVED Harvey Dent.

Which meant. GOD DAMN IT I NEEDED THIS:

Because. Obviously.

And I started telling my own stories as I played with action figures. Like. I’d make this kid from Last Action Hero call some, Batman villain a “bastard.” My 10-year-older sister heard this. And told my dad that I did this. And. I got spanked or something. I dunno.

Don’t even get me started on how I thought that “Horror” was a bad word. Because. “Whore,” exists. And how I continued to believe they were the same word, because of similar “playing with toys,’ thing happened, and I had also been exposed to Maverick around the same time. So. Whore and horror were, basically the same word for me for a while. Thanks, Noelle! Thanks, God!

Also, like. I was fiveish-years-p;d, going into Christian Kindergarten class all the time, interupting Ms. Lillow’s speeches with, “But, in Demolition Man he says bad words all the time!” And like, “But Batamn told the bad guy, ‘Shut up, you’re going to jail,’ in Batman Retrusn!” So. I mean. At fiveish-years-old, and I knew what Demolition Man was… and had seent it a bit. Yeah dude.  Stuffs. Things. Words. Right? No wonder the latter millenials and gen Z are such pussies, right?

So. Yeah.

I had all these action figures. Or, “guys,” as I called them. And. Like.

I guess some Peter Pan cartoon was a thing?

All I know for sure, is that I got a LOT of mileage out of…

This action figure.

This Peter Pan, thing, became so much of a crutch, man. Any Robin-like story I needed to tell whilst playing with my “guus?” BAM. This Peter Pan dude. Somehow knowing what orpahns were? BAM! This peter Pan dude. Peter Pan was… The. Lost. Boy. All the time. I know, for a facgt, he eventually developed super poweres in my mind. Because. He HAD to right? He’d be flying arounf and punching bad guys like he was a Power Ranger…

Sigh.

Sorry. Don’t even get me started on Power Rangers. As much as I wanted them, I never, EVER had a single of one their action figures. BUT GOD DAMN did they develope my story telling (kinda… even saying that is dumb, obviously, but I’ll explain)

What, currently, remains of the “Megazords.” For me. Basically, what you see here are 12ish-inch large action figure-y things. That were “Mega Zorgs” in my universe. Batman would go into his. Superman would go into his. This Black, Batman that you’re seeing next to Supes? He was the evil Batman Megazorg….

That black Batman was evil. Because I had a blue and gray Batman, thing much akin to that Superman up there. And he was the good one. Who was the evil Bagtman? Well. He was evil. Because I lost that Two-Face toy, mentioned previsously,  during one of the many-a moves as a kid. Same with the Joker. Although, I still had Bob floating around. Cause. Of course I did.

And like. The “story” became, “Where’s Two-Face?!” And. Eventually, he resurfaced because. You know. Batman Forever happened. And. Of course. Riddler became Two-Face’s best friend or something.

Some time later. When I was lke, eight-years-old or so. I’d make the Batman you see up to there and Batgirl kiss. A lot. Or something. Becaue. That’s how playing with action figures works! Damn it! You don’t make it an ACTUAL storyline, constantly, Bruce Timm! GAWL!

I know I’ve done a shitty job of this. But dude. THE point of all of this?

I’ve been a story teller. My whole life.

Jesus. Don’t even get me started one when I discovered Jakks action figures.

Although, those Jakks action figures turned into telling stories online.

Somewheres in there, I went to high school. nd entered “Introduction to Journalism.” Which lead to me being a member of the high school newpaper throughout my tenor. It ws like in junior year. Where we went to some sort of “high school journalism” convention type of thing. Thesr things happened one or two times a years. But. During one. In junior year. I discovered that, “Telling the news (journalism, as I understood/understand) it, is supposed to be telling a story.”

Which.

Is.

And… you know. Was.

Totlly lost on me.

I haven’t told stories. In… YEARS.

I didn’t tell stories in my high school journalism curriculum. I always looked at it as reporting events. Not tellng stories. When I reached that epiphony (literallt, it was on the bus ride home and stuffs, in that junior year), hell, it’s going on 14 years later. And still. I’m reaizing.

I’m not telling stories.

I mean. Sometimes I do. Sure (NOT as in THOSE are fabrications, but I actually try to tell those stories as I recalled them).

Merhaps? These drunken peieces of nonsense that I’ve written for… something like eight years now (because math isn’t my strong suit). Have lead to this. this “epiphony” that I discovered when I was 17ish-years-old. I’m a natural-born story teller. And I, continually, perpetually don’t tell stories. I just. Write bullshit. Basically.

Hopefully, these drunken pieces of nonsense have sharpened my story-telling abilities?

Probably not. Though.

So. I’ll leave you with a bit of brilliant, modern storytelling.


BoJack’s inner monulogue encapulates the very essense of humanity. Told through aniphomorphic animals. And such. Forrelas. RANDOM SIDENOTE: Least I never, EVET, crashed anything when I drunk drove.

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