Holiday Blues Part II

I mean. Everything that always affected me? I wrote a whole ass thing about it. About how the hollidays, Christmas… things… it always pisses(ed_ me off. And I did that rambling. And. I mean. It’s broken. But. You can still read it if you want. It goes over the basics. Like. How bad Christmans commercials suck. The stress of “being perfect” for Christmas… those types of things.

But now…

If I could be serious for a minute…

Much like in the previous rambling provided, I’m going to be more personal than I have been in a long ass time.

So. Bare with me dear readers.

Last year? I knew that it was the last time I’d experience Chsristmans as I knew it. You know. Fuck. I don’t want to get into TOO many personal specifics. But. I knew that last year… would be… the last year… my family would be “whole.” And now.. Here I am…

Depressed as a mother fucker. Enjoying the gifts that may or may not happen and stuffs. But like. The “magic” of Christmas is gone. There’s a spark of magic that could… could… happen. But. Nah. The MAGIC. Of Christmas is gone. Mostly due to the fact that my closest nieces and nephews have moved away. So…

So… I’ve been holding on to every last grasp of awesomenerss that I can. Every night that I go out driving and see some beautiful christmas lights out there… on display… on houses and stuffss… I can’t totally complain. I mean. That weas the point of the last rambling I already mentioned…

“When you get the Holiday Blues, find the holiday blues.”

That’s what I said. And, I was referencing some like…

This.

RANDOMish SIDENOTE: I’m pretty sure that’s the house that was the “featured image” last time. But whatever.

Right now, dude? THe magic is gone. There’s no kids in my life to make Christmas magical. For the first time.. since… like… when I was a” kid.” And Christmas wasn’ t magical for me. And I got depressed about all that. lmao. Oof. That just hit me as I wrote it. Fuck.

Now that I’m… kinda on the subject.. FUCK BRANDON!

lmao… I mean… not really… he’s a cool dude now and stuffs. But God damn it. I was still a kid too. You know, bruh? lol… too personal. And in the grand scheme of things, doesn’t matter.

But fuck it. Let’s go here/

The first time I got depressed on Christmas. I was 13. Which would make Brandon four-years-old. I don’t want to be VERY specific. But. I mean. It was the first “2020-ish” year with how shitty the year was, especially at the end. All that. Blah. Not only nationally, but fucking personally too… there was this huge family fight involving me specifically.., a fight that probably had a huge something to do with the human eing I am today…. Yeah… that fight happened that year.

And like…

There I was.. seing Brandon get all the awesome gifts he wanted (whatever they were) and FFS… I just wanted a… Playstation… we’ll leave it at that.

So I opened the last present for me… thinking it’d be a playstation… But.. nope… it’s like… some (fuck I don’t want to go into specifics) bullshit my parents already had (I mean, a new one but…) they wrapped it up… I saw the box and they were all like, “WAIT! YOUR REAL PRESENT MIGHT BE IN THE BOX!” This was a trick they pulled on me before. But nope. It was the thing that the box said it was. Not a playstation… thing…

So…

Obviously…

Depression?

Or something.

There we go. Personal story (tbh… I might’ve told that story in the last rambling, I don’t fucking know).

The ONLY reason I bring it up is because, that was the VERY first time I experienced “holiday blues.”

This year? It’s on track to be the bluest of all, to be honest. But. I think there’s a couple of magical things that are up my sleeve to make things… kinda awesome. I mean.

Forreals… After I turned 17, or whatever, the magic was always about giving. I’d include a personal video but it’s too difficult and too personal. So fuck that.

Just.

All of the oofs, dude.

All’s I know is that there’s plenty of reasons to have holiday blues this year. Personally.

But damn it.

I’m still doing the best that I can… to… you know… find…

Holiday Blues.

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