Hallmark Christmas Movies

Dude.

Why do you, dear rich, business person hate Christmas so much? You. You capitalist. Wnating to make money. Under the guidelines of the American Constituation hate America so much? Right? Loke. Dude.

Like.

I don’t care if you find yourself some random vagrant on the side of somme highway. And you wanna take him home, clean him up. You, dear female protaganist of EERY HALLMARK CHRISTMAS MOVIE EVER. You’re going to fin him VERY attractive. After you give him a bath. And shave him. ANd stuffs. And llike. After your douchey businessy business person boyfriend  mocks you for being sympathetic to human beings. Whils, all you want t do is make your family’s struggling year-round Chrisgtmas tree business viable.

You hate this boyfriend of yours. Because. yo know. He’s too businessy. He loves him some money. And you are helping your hanicap parents run a year-round Christmans Tree business. But this boyfriend, who gVE YOU THE FUCKING hope diamond on our finger, cause he’s “evil” and rich and businessy. Is trying to convine you, dear female protaganist, to give up on your family’s, unviabable, failing business. Because. You know. It’s failing. You need a way to escape it.

WE’Z A JUICE!

But hey. Irt’s Christmas. THis homeless dude, whome you shaved, bathed, andtaught litteracy, is now a hanidman around the Christmas Tree shop. Because. You know. It’s Christmas time.

And.

Darn it. People like you.

Right?

And. You’ve got the screenplay of EVERY Hallmaqrk Christmas movie. Ever.

Or. You know. The Christmas Twist.

Which. Is. You know. The best parodu7. Of EVERY Hallmark Christmas movie ever. Legit.

I mean. It’s. So much NOT a parody that… like a year or two after The Blaze you know… the LEGIT. Blaze made it. Hallmark basically made the same movie. Right?


Come off it.

BUT.

Dude.

THE WORST showing of humanity throughout these things?

WITHOUT a DOUBT.

Has to be.

When Hallmark made a “film” called. Fir Crazy.

When Colin Mochrie. Was the dude. You know. THE evil biusinessman. That hated that Christmas trees were next to his department/retail/whatever store conglomerate. That he needed to end himself som Christmas. Even though, rthe MOST NOBLE female protagonist is trying to make a living. She’s Tiny Tim. COLIN F’N MOCHRIE is scrooge.

This guy. From Drew Carey’s (AND BEYOND) Whose Line is it Anyway? RIght?

Him. HE’S the evil prrick. That hates Christmas so much because his wife died and she loved Christmas trees. that’s why he can NOT have some Christmas tree vendor selling her wares beside his mega shopping centre, Him. He’s the douche the asshole that won’t allow Christmas fun times.

Again.

We’re tlkking aboht…

Him.

Being the MLST evilest businessy bastard this side if Donld Trump or whatever.

Him.

Colin. F’n. Mochrie.

But hey. Fir Crazy was put on Hallmark Network. Without any fanfare. Whatsoever.

And yet. Hallmark has such a “GREaT” reputation for making Christmas movies.

And like.

Whatever dude. This rambling isn’t like, “IMPORTANT.”

It’s just like. You know. Something to point out. Things. That exist. Or something?

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