Drunken Watching of… Justice League

guys. I’ve played the movie once or… MAYBE twice in the background while I wrote some ramblings before. But. Forreals. This is going to be the LEGIT… second time that I’ve watched the movei since the theaters. Where. Like.. I watched it in on of those… 4dish things. RIght? Basically… it was all like… when the camera moves left, your seat moved left. And like all sorts of actionyness. Right? And MERHAPS I loved this movie SO GOD DAMN MUCH, because that this was my first experience with such a thing. Right?

But nah dude. I just broke down. How, Justice League is, in all honesty, a FAR better movie than Marvel’s They Avenger’s like… last weekish or something. BUT HEY! This is still Batman’s 80th birthday yar. And I said. I’ma be doing ALL sorts of ramblings throughout the year to celebrate this feat and whatnot.

So here we go.

Apparently. One of the worst super hero movies, everSOMEfUCKIngHOW.

One of these. For good measure?

But. Let’s fucking go. Let’s do this. #LongLiveTheBat and all that!

  1. And. Apparently. We ALREADY start off with some “OMG HOW CAN YOU CALL THAT CGI?!” or something with Supes aat the beginning. Nevermind the fact that he’s ACTUALLY being Superman. Like everyone’s bitched about before this movie.
  2. NO! His face looks weird. Apparently. Because of a CGI’d out mustache?
  3. No! Superman is being too positibe, JUST LIKE WE WANTED! So fuck this movie. Cause of “bad CGI,” apparently. SOmehow.
  4. Fuck yeah. That shot of Batmman’s reflection in th window of this rooftop scene was bad ass. Then Batman’s being BAD ASS AF! Dealing with this criminal person.FUCKING AWESOME comic booky Batman, even.
  5. Then. Parademon. FFS. This is cool.
  6. You’ve GOT to establish that Batman can deal with these other worldly things. Right off the… bat… right? Makes sense and is all awesome.
  7. OK… criminal hearing that he’s talking to “Alfred” is dumb. But.
  8. Oof. This… uh,,. “Everybody Knows” song is so good. For some ofdd reason, when I heard this song in the theaters abd such, I had that feeling of zack Snyder’s Watchmen. So. Merhaps, this is like… one of the only thing that’s left from the “Snyder cut?” I dunno.
  9. Outside of Fight Club? This is probably the best opening credits sequence ever. Forreals.
  10. Geoff Johns > Kevin Feige. Easily.
  11. Shit. Geoff Johns (as if this were ihis only credit) has done AAMAZING with Doomsdat Clock. Forreals.
  12.  Shot of Wonder WOman atop a lady Justice statue is SO bad ass.
  13. FFS. This whole sequence with Wonder Woman is awesome. FAR better than EVERYTHING (outside of the “I’m always angry, punch shot) in The Avengers. Forreals.
  14. Uh oh. More “bad CGI” is about to happen with Bruce Wayne and oceans and stuffs. 🙁 Ew?
  15. Which remdinds me, I NEED to try watgching Frontier on Netclix.
    RANDOM SIDENOTE: Auquaman was a cool movie. But as much as I’d hate to agree with modern Honest Trailers, they were right about “HERE’S ALL OF THE AQUAMAN STORIES EVER! IN ONE MOVIE!”
  16. Ew. Melting ice caps and bullshit.
  17. Cubes. You know… Motherboxes. Shit that was established in BvS. Cool.
  18. Batman bones the shit out of Wonder Woman, a couple times, in comics. Cool that they’re kinda referencing it here. You know. Alfred and Bruce.
  19. There’s this comical, Flash bit. With drawing a mustache. Right? And there was some random, Youtube thumbnail that had JL members with mustaches. And. Both my former sober sidekick from the outube bits I did and I thought that that thumbnail had to do with this comical bit. But NOPES! The internet decided to blow up about… this… apparently… GROSS… CGIness?

    Ew. This single frame is so gross. I TOTALLY noticed it when I watched this film in IMAX. You know. 60+ FPS. When the screen was two stories tall and shit. WE ALL OBVIOUSLY NOTICED IT!
  20. Pretty awesome moment with Cyborg and gus from Breaking Bad… or… at least a cheap man’s Gus from Breaking Bad, you know, Cyborb’s dad. It’s all pretty awesome. Forreals. Note: No one bitched about Cyborgs CGI. Hrmph.
  21. AMAZONIA! Or whatever. What is it legit called? Thessia? Something like that. Either way. Cool. CGI or not islandy shots, leading us to the Motherboz.
  22. UH OH! HERES BARTHALEMUL! Or… Steppenwolf. Like she said.
  23. I mean. Fuck off. This is good CGI action fun. If “THANOS” IS A great cgi charater, Barthalemul is deent. gTFO.
  24. The Amazons vs. Barthaalemul is fun. Stop it.
  25. Barthalemuul gets the Motherboz. obviously. It’s all fucking awesome. Forreals. Shut up. If LotR is.. somehow awesome… if Harry Potter and the battle of the flying pumpkin bomb sport, thing… is awesome. this Amazons/Barthalemuul battle is awesome. Shut up.
  26. Alien stole my husvaand>! SEND FOR THE MAN!

    COME ON AND SLAM! AND WELCOME TO THE JAM! COME ON LET’S SLAM! (I think those are the lhyrics, Maffew should crucify me for this series of “jokes.”
  27. Boringness with… Ma Kent and Lois. Basicallty.
  28. LOLZ! JOURNALISM HUMOR!
  29. what if Jim kept dating Amy Adams? Merhaps that MISERABLE and the LEGIT worst aspect of The Office wouldve bever happened.
    RANDOM SIDENOTE: Seriously. Fuck Jim and Pam in The Office. Afain that is THE worst aspect of the show.
  30. Cyborg randomly discovering everything, ever, is random. But oh wells. Kinda makes sense about him “discovering powers” as he described to poor man’s gus.
  31. GGS. How did people think Gal Gadot would be a bad Womder Woman? Because she has small boobs? GGS. Comic book fans are dumb.
  32. Wonder Woman Motherbox exposition… scenss? fucking awesome. And boom. FUCKING LANTERNS!
  33. Take that, Ryan Reynolds!
  34. Dmb thing about this sequence is… Darksief should have been in here. Not Steeppenwolf. Right?
  35. Well… although… I guess if Darksied was there before and failed… yeah. Nevermind. OK. It SHOULD have been an underling of Steppenwulf. Right? BARTHALEMUUL! WE HAVE NO TIME!
  36. Cyborg spying on Batman and Wonder Woman makes me ho, “Eh.” But… we just established he just gained all information ever via the extranet. And stuffs.
  37. Batman meets Flash. This is awesome. Shut up. That bullshit, CW soap drama, The Flash has NOTHING on Ezra Miller and Batfleck. THIS is awesome. Fuck CW.
  38. ok… there’s awkward dialogue here. That’s ment fo like… audience laughter. That… lefit doesn’t land. But oh wells.
  39. “I’m rich” is dumb. But LOLZ! CAPITALISM SUCKS!
  40. How does Cyborg hear Wonder Womanb talking on a computerness? That’s dumb.
  41. Although. I suppose it makes sense. Cause like. Mental capitalism is about to be a thing. But. LOLZ! Let’s just spend the 24-hour news cycle laughing at Trump’s lie about sharpies and shit! Thanks, Cyborg! BOO-YA!, indeed!
  42. Bad ass, Zack Znyder shots of Auqaman. GTFI.
  43. Again. And even badder ass sequence. THe underwater battle for the Motherbox. Fucking awesome. GTFO. FAR more instresting than that, “UH OH`1 HULK’S ON THE HOVERCRAFT~!” Bullshit. (other than the shot of Thor throwing his hammer and Hulk catching it and all that)
  44. OK. The dialogue kinda kills it. But it’s still cool. Still looks awesome. GTFO.
  45. UH OH,, RANDOM FAMILY INN CROATISTAN! I wonder if that’s going to come back. Oh. Hey. Zacordia Accords!

    One of these. Because… there hasn’t been an image here in a while. To… you know… break up the text and whatnot.
  46. JK SIMMONS AS GORDOn! FUK YEAH!
  47. “World’s gone crazy, Jim. Maybe he did too@!” Valid point.
  48. Why’s Exra Miller whispering about Bruce’s secret identity? I mean. Everyone knows Batman’s Bruce wayne at thi s point. Luthor does. Cyborg does. Dead…. Russiab dude from BvS probably does. Why’s Exra Miller all tryig to keep it a secret, right?
  49. Shut up. This hwole scen e with Gordon and the would-be Justice Leauge is cool. Fucking awesome. GTFO.
  50. Cybrg and Batman look at Gordon’s notes an gifure it all out. Then the comicy Flash bit. GTFO. Awesome.
  51. Then. Bat-sewer-vehicle happens. Cause. Toys. But. Still cool. I wanted ALL THE BATMAN TOY BEHICLES AND SHIT WHEN BATMAN AND ROBIN HAPPENED. So. I get it.
  52. Either way. This is an ACTUALLY cool vehichle. It’s not just some thing that rode on ice. In Batman & Robin. Like. THis thing I got for christmas in 1997….

    Right?
  53. Either way. This is an awesome scene in the sewwers and shiit. Flash saves poor man’s Gus Frin. Batman takes care of Parademons, as much as he can. Cause. You know. They’re other worldly ALIENS. Whilst. He’s jjust a man. Taking them on with basically no prep and shit.
  54. Jesus Christ. ALL of this is fun and awesome. But… OH NOEZ~! E’VE SEENT LOTS OF CGI VILLAINS BEFORE. 🙁 JUSTICE LEAGUE IS SO UNORIGINAL! BOOOOOO!
  55. Uh oh. Now everyone’s upset. Because Barthalemull defeated them. Now. Bruce brings up bringing Superman back to life. And. I mean. It’s all weird and stuffs. As I went over in the last rambling.
  56. But. FFS. At tleast this super hero fighting with each other makes sense.
  57. Bruce is being a dick. And he’s still awesome. Dianna’s being a dick but is still awesome. This shit is so God damn perfect. And. At least. It makes sense. What they’re arguing over.
  58. The only thing that COULD contradict is is Bruce is saying Barthalemuul is evil, like SUperman could’ve been evil. Thing. Sure.
  59. Ugh. This is fucking awesome. Bruce has a contigiousncy for that. Awesome.
  60. Motherbox. Toucheing.
  61. Bringing Superman back to lige. Even though… he was coming back to life at the end of BvS… or whatever.
  62. Supes is back to life. Standing in front of his destroyed monuent. CGI;d out mustache et all, apparently. Still. Can’t notice the CGI mustach removal. Ya’ll are autistic AF!
  63. Fuck yeah. This Supes fight brings such a smile to my face. And… Cyborg only tried shooting at him so far.
  64. My Jesus dude. I’m dying inside from all this glee. Wonder Woman’s doing the whip and “Kal El” stuffs.
  65. Now. FFS. Flash is trying to be fast. And uhgh. Dude. Forreals. Thsi is easily one of the best bits in super hero movie history ever. Supes sees Flash running fast out of the cornder of his eye and shit. And. Fuck. The Supes/Flash fight is too good.
  66. Then Batman happens.
  67. And. Bad Mustache CGI happened. Apparently just then?
  68. Supes destroys Batman in the awesome way. No. Here’s the “bad CGI” mustache. Apparently. FFS. Ya’ll are cunts.
  69. “Tell me, do you bleed?”
  70. “Big guns” is Lois Lane. FFS. Brings tears to my eyes just like it did in the theatr.
  71. forreals. FUCK EVERYONE TRHAT HATED THIS  OVIE. KILL YOURSELVES. NOW.
  72. SO FUCKING GOOD.
  73. Even Batman wiggling aroun, “Something’s definitely beelding.” Fuck you. If you hated Justice League. and Kill yourself.
  74. Even the ovbious Batfleck phoning in is decent. Forreeals.
  75. Humanizing Superman. Again. Like they did in Man of Steel. EWven MORE SO trhis time. YET. FFS. This movie’s so horrible cause it’s not 80’s Superman, again! or something.
  76. Awesome bit with Aquaman and the lasso of truth. Obviously. So fucking awesome.
  77. Uh oh. Croatistan family’s back1 CULTURAL APPROPRIATION?! Something like that? Merhaps that’s why Justice League is considered a “bad movie.” Cause. Forreals. There’s NOTHIgn… WRONG with it so far.
  78. And it’s time for the “UH OH~1 END OF THE WORLD” climax of every super hero movie. And. It’S TOTALLY DC NAD Justice League, in particular’s fault that “end of the world” climazes have become cliche. ANd ushc.
  79. Fuck you. I got to see Batman diving out of a red sky (I Think… either way… this battle’s sky is red so…).

    Like it’s live action B:TAS
  80. Danny Elfman’s theme just happened for a second there. And is still kinda happening. Thanks, Joss Wedon!
  81. OK. So far… all of this is CGI unrelatable action nonsense. Then the Batmobile gets destroyed by parademons. Kinda. And fuck yeah. I don’t care.
  82. “This is the team,” as Alfred said.”
  83. Stil. Yeah. Tht shot of Aquaman “riding down” that building  STILL looks dumb as fuck in CGI. A complaint I had since the trailers.
  84. Batmans using a parasemon gun. I mean. I don’t LIKE it. But it’s fine.
  85. Forreals dude. Other than being the “stereotypical” super hero movie villain, there’s not much wrong with Barthalemuul.
  86. Well, I believe in truth. But I’m also a big fan of Justice!

  87. FUCK YEAH!
  88. I’ma come out of the closet about Supes one of these days, I promise.
  89. Supes leaves the battle to save civilians.
  90. OH NOESZ! SUPERMAN NEVER SAVES ANYONE IN THE ZACK SNYDERVERSE!
  91. FUCK YOU… HERE’S A WHOLE APPARTMENT FILLED OF SAVING PEOPLE. Dicks.
  92. Ew. Justice League is such a shitty movie. 🙁
  93. Cyborg likes being alive. Awesome. Fuxk you.
  94. “I take it back I want to die,” good shit.
  95. Alright. Parademons kills Barthalemuul. that’s dumb.
  96. Stereothpicsal “all the heroes together” shot is dumb too, kinda.
  97. Croatistan family is safe!
  98. Bruce builds Kent Farm again and such. Buys the bank. “Cause I’m rich” and such.
  99. Flash gets closer to saving his dad.
  100. All sorts of awesomeness.
  101. Even Lois Lane is getting back to writing again.
  102. Then… Bruce Wayne turns Wayne Manor into the Hall of Justice. Dumb.
  103. Lasoo of truth awesomeneess again.
  104. “All you have to do is look up in the sky.” Fucking awesome.
  105. Supes and Flash race. Post credits. Awesome. Obviously.”
  106. “Fourth World created by Jack Kirby” in the credits. Cool.
  107. And then. Boom mofos.

  108. EASILY, the best post-credit super hero movie scene. Ever. BY A MILE. Brought tears to my eyes just now. IT’S STILL REAL TO ME, DAMN IT!
  109. Everything that was absolute shit about Eisenberg’s Luthor in BvS was erased here. So fucking good dode. I can’t stress it enough.
  110. A one hunndred and tenth thing. To make it even for my OCD.

Dude.

Justice League is FAR superiour to The Avengers. Basically… EVERY avengers movie. By my estimation.

HAte me. Slay me. All that. But fuck you. The ONLY reason critis and everyone else hated this movie is because “Marvel did it.” And all that. I don’t care. Give me 1000 Justice League movies before I ever have to sit through that FAR too complicated bullshit that was the Avengers “Infinity” movies. Thank fuck SONY’s putting a stop to including Spidey in that nonsense.

How now brown cow.

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