So. For the first time in my life, I decided I wanted to coollect an entire series of a comic book story arc, before it’s released in a graphic novel sort of form, you know what I mean? I wanted to collect and read the single issues of a series and such. Right?
I almost pulled the trigger to do this on Max :andis’s “American Alien” Superman story arc. But I didn’t.
Instead. When I found out that DC was bringing the characters of the “Watchmen” “universe” whateverness (Bear in mind, I’ve often said, Watchmen is the best comic story I’ve ever read). In to play with their toys of the DCU. I knew I had to pull the trigger.
And now, I figured, I’ do my best to review my experience. At first, I thought I’d do this in four parts, but instead, I settled on three. So, over the next few months (but only one more time after this rambling) you’ll have to put up with this here intro as I Count Down Doomsday!
But, hey… I’m gonna do things differently this time, as opposed to my first attempt. I’m gonna break down each issue. Instead of doing like. You know. One big pile of… blah. RHing. Although, more than likely, I’ll confuse things, misplace stories that happened in one book when they happened in another. Things like that. Hate me. Slay me.
Oh. And hey… for the record, just like last time, I read all four comics just prior to writing this. So. Thought you should know that. You know. You. The one person reading this.
SO yeah. Here we go?
So. With this book, right? i really didn’t have much idea what was going on. Right? I reread my last rambling prior to reading the books and stuffs. And stiol. I had no idea what was going on. Batman is riding around in Archie with Adrien Viedt. Rorschach is out of Arhkahm with Daturn girl? Or something. And. Mime and Marionette are there.
As confused as I was. I was FAR more confused by like. Some old dude in a senior citizens facility. THing. But I recalled a bit of nothingness. That I failed to mention in the first bit here. Much like Watchmen‘s random, little, “comic book thing,” inside the comic. Ness. I don’t remember, nor care about it. Cause. Sigh.
Yes. Watchmen is my favorite comic story ever (though Hush is a close second), But forreals. That comic thing that… you know… was being read by the black kid at the news stand (OH FFS. I called him a black kid, no, I’m not a racist that’s what the character in the book is, hate me, slay me, I can’t remember his name… hell… I can’t remember the newsstand businessy person’s name either. And htye shared the same name, but I called him, “a black kid,” such racism! much hate!) I didn’t care, nor have I ever completely read the comic-inside-the-comic thing. Everyone says its important. But I can’t get into it. At all. Even when I try. I read like, half of it. And stop.
Anyways. Doomsday Clock is doing that again. But with like, some old timey cop movie that this old dude is watching. ANd it all has to do with a Green Lantern. Lantern? Which. Doesn’t make sense. But. Whatever.
Uh. Also in the book? Marionette and Mime find ut that there’s something going down at the Batsignal. Joker’s there, atop of GCPD or whereever the Batsignal is being shone.
Batman gets shat out of Archie by Adrien, i guess, around the same place. there’s a group of Batman hating protestors around there. THe protestors attack him.
Marionette, Mime, and Joker meet atoo iof GCPD or wherever the Batsignal is shone. And likke. Yeah. All of a sudden. Joker’s thugs are like, “Yeah, dude, we’ve got Batman.” And such. And basically, tjat’s how the book ends. With Joker. Making his debut in this story.
Jpker’s thugs. Peoples. Wharever Tey got a hold of Batman, throjugh the protestors? Thanks to, “Knock out Baatman gas, thing?” None of that’s really ecpalins. All that’s known is, Batman’s chained up to a wheel chair.
Mime and Marioette are there, as like, hostages. With their hands up and such. QAs Joker’s taking tghem to some place.
Meanwhile. SOmething about like. The world? Firrestorm? “The Superman Theory?” All of that is ha[[ening. And something about The Daily Planet, and the “Superman Theory” is happening. With Lois Lane. Whatever. Although, this is, LEGIT a HUGE part of the sotry. But whatevr.
But really? This whole book? Is all about Marionette and Mime’s origin. Here, I thought they were like… soe sort 0f side characters that were in the outer edges of Watchmen‘s Lore (hell, mahyber they still are, with like After Watchmen, and everything like such as), I guess not. But whatevr.
And really? Eiter wahy, this story? Mime and Marionette/s origin? It’s cool. Legit.
Joker’s taking them to the Legion of Supervillians of Doom. Or the Society of Villainy. Or the Legiond of Injustice. Or whatever they call themselves. (HA HA).
Riddler’s up there. Leading the group. Something that’s also going on throughout this Firestorm/EVERYWHERE in the world, thing. Is like…You know. Kahnaq. Or something like that. It’s like DC’s answer to Iraq/Afghanistan. I’m guessinb. But yeah. The story is. Villains. Metahumans. Etc. They’re all accepted in this Khanistgahanistaniaq. Plae. Thing.
Like. “Khanistgahanistaniq’ place. thing. Is all “peaceful,” Cause Black Adam has been an asshole. Even admitted by the media that he did some unforgivable shit. But It was cool. At that point.
And. Basically. The Legion of Supervillions of Doom. Perople. Whatever they’re ca;ling themselves. As Joker says. THey’re meeting. They’re whispering to each other that Khanistgahanistaniaq is a safe haven for them. Cause Black Adam said so. (OMJESUS, I called hin ‘Black Adam.5
then.Like. Comedian’s there. And throughout the beauty of what the meeting of Joker, Comedian, Batman.. hell… Riddler, Two-Face, Captain Cold, Giganta, Big Head dude, And Mr. Freeze ebem. All of this could have been awesome. Bug lie.
It all kind happens off panel. Or something. Comedian shoots some dude. “Typhoon,” is exposed as being a “superman theory spy” pr something. And gts shot dead. Then like. Whatever.
This book? Essentially is about these two characters, that, apparently have nevdrf been known before in Marionwrrw and Mime. And it’s cool . And sex scenes things. That are cool.
And. Forreals. Ths whole get together? Supervillions of Supervillainy of Doom for Societal Leagues. It didn’t matter. Outwside for killing this “Typhoon,” prson.
Comedian’s there. And. He eventuallt gets captured by Joker and company too. Somehow. Legit. It didn’t make sense. Nor, dod I think it was explained. But whatevr.
The book starts with, random bits from Dr. Manhattan, like, “Hey dude. It’s 1940 and I’m about to watch a LITTERAL trainwreck, even though, you know, I’m Dr. Manhattan, and you don’t need to see these things in the panels, you just need to know that I’m talkig. Cause. Mh panels’ backgound colr is blue. And all that.”-
And like. “Superman Theory” is a big problm in the world. Apparentlhy.
Mime. Marionette. Rorscachs,, Adrien, Batman, Jokr, Saturn Girl, and old dude Lughtning, they’re all here. Waiting. Talking about Bubastit. Things. BUT especially, Batman’s in the wheel chair and such, chained up. JOker’s got mime and Marionette with him, no longer as hostages, he thinks they’re cool now. Basically. They ran into Comedian. Throuogt the Doom of Legions of Villainy thing. Capture him. Fuck (as in, hav sex). Things.
Batman and Comedian are tied up, or whatever. Bottom lin.
Eventually, the random group of Rorsnhachs, Adrien, Satrn Girl and Lightnighing old dude with a green lantern (some how made shift out of a thing thaat was once a green lamp with a genie and such). Batman. Joker.
Adriend, essentiall, gets his conversation with God himself. You lnow. Jon. Dr. Manhattan. Motherfucker. Brilliantness. Adrien concoted a way to FORCE a conversatuin with Dr. Manhatans ANd such. So yeah. Doc spawns there. No pants and all. With Joker there. Joker’s OUR voice. Right? He says someting like, “Dude put some pants on!” Whatever. Manhattan pulls up the checkerboard tile floor. And like. All eightish characters Arfe floting around.
Adrien pleads his case to Manhattan. Asks him to save their world. 1992. Robert zRedfordverse. Things. Manhattan doesn’t agree to do it.
Bubastis II (you know, Adrien’s cloned cat) is a thing. Detecting Jon. It’s a compass, and like. It’s the reason for the meeting.
Jon’s like, “Dude. I came hefre, to this earth cause tgher’es so much hope (cause, you know, Supeeman exists) and that’s kinda awesome. But, I see him and something on Mars. But even I. Dr. Manhattan. Jon. Person. Whatever. My mind doesn’t see past our confrontation. Things.”
Cause. Dr. Manhattan is only interesting when he can’t see the future. Just like in Watchmen. So. Congrats, DC? You created the EXACT same scenario that we’ve aread read? Right?
Oh. And. The book endswith Adriend sulking… somewheres but then he comes to the conclusion: “Not only can I save my world, but I can save this one.”
All hell breaks loose. It’s a MAJOR thing through oout ALL of these latter bookes that’s like, “metahumans” ALL ‘ROUND THE WORLD! Are hating America. Becaose of the “Superman Theory.” Whateber and suhc. Right.
Basically. This whole book is all abojt Firestorm. And Superman. Superman makes his first appearance in these comics. Firestorm’s kinda been a random scapegoat throughout these four books. He’s been the media’s focus of the “Superman Theory,[” which. You know. Again. Is the theory that MOST metahumans come from America, and America is denhying it. Kahnaq, has become a safe haven for everyone. Hero and Villain alikw.
Black Ada ks there. And Making a world or wharever. Safe havfen pace. Thing.
Firestorm gpes to Russia and accidently turns a huge crowd of peopel into glass. Cause. Fire.
Finally, Superman enters the picture comes to Russia as Purin’s having a press congerence in front of the people Firestorm turned to bglass. And such. Superman comes, after talking to Firestorm and such, and Firestorm proves he han bring people back to life out of their glass state.
Superman, who is the “metahuman that can speak for every country.” Or whatever. He comes to the podium and is like, “Dudes, do you trust me? Firestorm didn’t mean to do this. This world is so divided, we need to sgop diving ourselves. so let’s let Firestorm save these people. Or something.”
Firestorm shows up. And all hell breaks loose. Meanwhile, Batman’s in the Batwing, he’s been talking to Supes the whole time. trying to tell him, “Dude, stop talking, don’t take a side.”
Firestorm arives. Tries to save the glass people.
Russia’s like “Fuc,k this, we’ve gotta kill ourselves some Firestorms.” Kuhnpuv, or whatever that “metahuman’s” name is. Attacks Superman. Russia’s army is about to kill this kid Firestorm brought back from glass. By shooting, things. Superma takes the bullets.
Batman’s like, “You dumb ass.” Oh yeah. Throughout these book when Adrien and Batman are together. Adrien does some awesome shit. Like Calling out Batman’s fails. “Dude, I nearly saved the entire world from omplete destruction, kinda things. Hagte kme if you want, but dude. What have you done?” It’s awesome and stuffs. And has nothing to do with this book.
Superman attacks Ruxsia as Firestorm attaempgts to save everyone.
things suddenly go Bright BLUE.
Ande static. As Lois Lane watches the live feed on TV.
Fade to. Or something. Adrien’s watching all of this. The blue brightness. Static.
And Adrien viedt sas, “And so it begins.”
Here. I’ve been thinking, DC’s going with like, “Dr. Manhattan has created the DC Universe.” But. No. He’s just a part. And now, Supes and Hatty are about to meet each other.
And for fuck sake.
I can’t fucking wait. THis book. Is confusing. It’s dumb. It’s awesome.
But forreals. I can’t wait to find out what happens after all of this shit. Even though, I don’t care about like 60ish% of what’s going on. Kinda. Stuffs. things. words.