Rockstar’s Six Thefts of Grand Auto

And so brothers. Sisters. People of all… humanity… Rockstar Games. The subsidiary of Take-Two Interactive, have finally brought to you the trailer for the sixth edition of GRAND THEFT AUTO OF THE WORRRRRRLLDDDDD~!

The second coming of Jesus Christ… The savior of all humanity… The G.T.A. TRAILLLLERRRR~!

And if you ain’t down with that, I’VE GOT TWO WORDS FOR YA!


In the grand scheme of things… Rockstar Games. Again. The subsidiary of Take-Two Interactive.

Rockstar Games released Grand Theft Auto V in 2013. They released Red Dead Redemption II five years later in 2018.

The trailer above released this past week. The content given is 90 seconds long. And it’s filled with nothing but “Florida Man” references. Jokes. Things. That’s it. 10 years. Ninety seconds. And it’s mostly real-world referential content. And everyone is losing their minds about how amazing this is?

Sure. GTA V and IV before, and everyt other GTA game ever refereneces real-world stuffs. With subtlety or not so suibltel at all. I.E. MyRoom in GTA IV and the Mark Zuckerberg stand-in in GTA V‘s “Life Invader.”


Sure. Trailer shows you that Liberty City looks a lot like New York City. But it’s not like they’re hitting you over the head with, I dunno, something highly revelant back thenn…. uh… 9/11 truther protests… or something? YOu know? GTA IV is a pretty damn good example of a post-9/11/terrorism in New York City game. From the ads on the radio/tv/etc. To the polic radio communication that’s been prevalent in every GTA game.

Outside of Liberty City a[[earing to be a funhouse mirror representation of New York City as was intended? None of that modernity tone of the game is visible. Whatsoever.

For obvious reasons, this one hurts the most.

10 years.

To create Florida man references.

This is the company that abandonned single-player GTA V expansions because GTA Online was far more easy and profitable. Consumer be damned. The company that, apparently, didn’t even bother market examining the Red Dead Online playerbase, believing that a battle royale mode would tide its players over after the beta launch of RDO. In the grand scheme of things, this bit alone describes the clusterfuck that is/was RDO. But. I’lll leave it there.

This is not the Rockstar Gaems that I grew up on. Yu grew up on. FFS. This isn’t even the Rockstar Games that, even if GTA V was the first Rockstar Game you ever played (you know, since it was released 10 years ago). This isn’t anywhere near the company that created that game, even.

This has become a corporate wasteland, dude. Rockstar Games has become a company, akin to LifeInvader. It’s a parody of its former self.


Whatever soul Rockstar Games had. Died. Vanished. When Dan Houser left the company. That’s the end dude.

I hate being this downer. Blah. Jaded. Blah. Gaming. Blah. Person. Blah. Thing. And I hope beyond all hopes that GTA VI is a good game. GTA: San Andreas is still, to this day, my favorite video game of all time. It stilll even holds up, bad graphics, compressed as fuck sound, all of that. Still holds up today. In a lot of ways, GTtA: Vice City is the reason why I love video games. It was the first video game I ever beat. You know? And shit… Rockstar Games created both of them. So…

I hope beyond all ho[es that GTA VI is a good game. I really do.

And be saying the upcoming sentence, I don’t wanna yuck anyone’s yum.

But given all of the evidence? I have no idea why anyone would by hyped for GTA VI after seeing that soulless piece of nlthing that Rockstar dropped on Monday/Tuesday.

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