Rapid Fire Reviews – The Netflix Edition

So. Yeah man.

Welcome to a nother installment of “Rapid Fire Reviews.” Where I, you know, revie things. Rapidly. Or. Like. “rapidly,” as possible and such, right?

But. OH MY~! here’s the kicker this times. I’m ONLY  reviewing NETCLIZ ORIGINALS~!

RANDOM SIDENOTE: I’d like to thank my four-year-old nephew for “creating” the word, “Neclix.” It’s going to be a mainstay here on RyansDrunk.con from here on out. Just cause.

But yeah.

Let’s do this?!


Ozark

Dude.

Ozark?

This is Breaking Bad. This is… THe Sapranos, this is… like, Sonds of Anarchy, all wrapped into one. On steroids.

This is Jaseon Bateman playing FAR beyond his typecast. And NAILING it out of the park, easily. Unfortuneatley, Laura Linney is playing her typecast as STRONG~! WOMAN~!. But. Still dude. This show, that only has two seasons available, crrenlty on the streaming service, is just as binge-worthy as Breaking Bad could’ve ever been.

With like… I don’t know… a Willy Wanka and the Chocolate Factory sort of dread and spin?

Forreals. THis show? It’s going places. Period.

And it’s WELL worth your watch.


The Highwaymen

Dude.

Anytime.

Where.

Kevin Costner.

ISN’T.

Playing the part.

Of.

KEVIN COSTNER.

In a movie.

You should be able to at least take a second glance at said movie. And. Forreals. Coster isn’t just playinng the part of Kevin Costner. He took this role seriously and did a damn good job. I mean. It’s not TOTALLY IMMERSIVE`1 or anyting. But he did a DAMN good job. Hell. If ANYTHING, Woody Harrelson is playing Woody Harrelson. That’s how good of a job Kevin costner does. Right?

Hell. Kathy Bates. is playing. Kathy Bates with a southern accent in this movie. In comparrison to Kevin Coster’s role here.

Legit. It’s that commendable.

PLUS. DUde.

The story here? I mean. Surely, I’m no where near some sort of “Bonnie and Clyde” mark, buff, whatever, or what have you. But like. This legit story of Texas Randgers that were disbanned? Only to be reconstituted shortly hafter these events?

GTFO. Right? AWESOME bit of history that ZERO percennnt of the population knows about. And it’s an actual, awesome and AMAZING story.

Sure. Neclix has dramatized it. But. Those FACTS about the Texas Rangers remains.

So.

I’m sorry I cultrually approriated. By living in Colorado. And not respecting the Texas Rangers. Or something along those lines.


The Dirt

Man. I BARELY give a shit, at all, about Motley Cru, right? Like. THE BIGGEST connection to me and giving a shit about the band happens when… like… prior to Motley Crue, Nikki Sixx was in a band called Sister with Blackie Lawless. You know. Because I’m a mark for W.A.S.P. and what not.

Merhaps I missed it.

But lkke. Motley Cru. Is created. Around the time where Metallica…. OPENED… for W.A.S.P., and… whatgever… right? I ws just HOPEING for a “cameo” like on the marques in the movie or something… that W.A.s.p. would get a mention. But nopes. Sadly.

Either weay. The Dirt? Easily. The best “musical biopic” Ive ever seen. Period. The end. Bar none. Granted. I haven’t seen Bohemian rhapsody. But… uh… Notorious was pretty good. Straight Outta Compton… happened. Walk the Line was a thing. But yeh dude. The Dirt is the best musical biopic I’ve ever seen. It JUST beats out Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story.

Machine Gun Kelly’s portrayal of Tommy Lee  in it of itself is like… Oscar worthy. But. Forreals. Everyonne in the cast is Oscar worthy. Merhaps, the dude that played Vince Neil, aside.But. Come on. The Ramsay Bolton mofo portraying Mick Mars? Utter brilliance. Right?

And. FFS. Don’t get me started on the “Ozzy Osbornue” cameo, dude. Whoever played Ozzy, although, it’s kinda an easy job at this point. Just… EVERYTHING about the Ozzy cameo was perfection. Loved it. Loved the movie. Just.

Brilliant.

I love living in the 2010’s rememmbering the 80’s, remembering the 50’s. What? Random BoJack Horseman reference aside…


Extremely Wicked, Shockingly Evil and Vile

Dude.

Just.

Dude.

These three films? (This, The dirt, anf The Highwaymen) I watched all of them on the same nigfht.

WOW~! THANKS WHITE PRIVLEDGE~!

And. I mean. Me being me. Everything moves me to tears, or at least makes my eyes well up with tears, these days. Right? So. Naturally, there’s bits in all three of these movies that did so.

But dude.

Nothing has left such an impression on me as this film does, dude. Forreasl

Zac Efron gives, BEYOND A SHADOW OF DOUBT, an Oscar-worthy performance as Ted Bundy. And. I mean. Everyone. From Lily Collins. To Jim Parsons. To… fucking… James Hetfield, you know, the lead singer of Metallica, does a GREAT job… as far as acting is concerned. But like? The writing of this film, in particular? The direction? The editing/pacing/everything in between?

Dude.

You’re going to be concocting Alex-Jones-y thoughts such as: “Was Ted Bundy set up? Is Ted Bundy innocent of all of his crimes?” Thats the foundation of writing, directing, etc’ that’s so BRILLIANTLY done in this film. Legit. After watching the whole thing the first time, I looked back on it and pondered, “Why were they so simpathetic towards Ted Bunday?”

Because. I mean. They are.

And. BEcause. I mean.

That’s kinda THE BEST way to tell this story as presented.

It makes the final sequence of the film all the more brilliant.

We, as viewers, KNOW that Ted Bundy “did these things” (a phrase the film’s dialogue repeats constantly). The ONLY way to make THIS story work and be as… TRULY phenomenal as it is. Is to portray Ted Bundy sympathetically. Make it seem as if he was being set up. All of that.

Forreals? In my “top 10 movies of all time” list that I once compiled during my senior year of high school… merhaos, I’m just band-wagonning, but. Really dude. I MIGHT place this film at like… #3-5 (I mmean, The Dark Knight was released a couple of years after I graduated… so…) it is SERIOUSLY that good, dude.

And. I mean. At least there’s not a shot of a Starbucks cup, EASILY visable in a scene of this movie. So.

Right?

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *