About Choke (2008)

I remember being al like, “pruid” or something. I was telling my mom, “Ha! I’m gonna go see the third best movie ever!”

This was… I dunno… about a wekk before I prepared to go downtown with my sister to go see a movie that was only shown (in my city) at this old ass theater downtown. I dunno. The building was possibly the first theater ever built in the city. But fuck “downtown” lifestyle right? With the bullshit parking meters, one-way roads, dumb ass club-banging assholes, just, fuck off, right? Be normal, downtown! Jesus Christ. Like. The fuck’s wrogn with you? Who hurt you, downtown, to be so shitty? Right?

But alas, it was th e onl ,pvoe theater in my city that had featured this uh… feature film. Choke. Based on the novel by Chuck Palahniuks,

So, yeah I was hyped as fuxck for the movie, right? I mean, Sam Rockwell is the perfect casting choice for Victor Mancini. Angela.. whats her face is the perfect “mother” Mancini peron for him and like. Dude. Henke? Whatever his frist name is… Brandon? Brendon? I dunno. dude’s ABSOLUTELY perfect in his role.

RANDOM SIDENOTE: Orange is the New Black cast tje Henke dude as thjis “giant, gay asshole,” And… FFS. It backfired SOOOO FUCKING HARD. For me. Dude’s the gentle-est pf giants. How the fuck could ANYONE see him as a threatening, like “I’ma kill some bitches” asshole…? Right? The fuck’s wrong with you?

Plus. “The Lord High Charlie” is played by that cunt that united The Avengers in… The Avengers even though NONE of the Avengers gave a shit about him prior to their “uniting.” Right? “The Lord High Charlie” also wrtoe and directed this movie. So… whatever.

THIS IS WHAT I KNOW:


I mean… this is a trailer that looks familiar. Unlike this “Red Band” trailer you can see here.

Not even the “official ” Fox Searchlight Youtube channle wants anything to do with this movie. Which is sad.

Sure. The movie isn’t AS GPPD as tje bpok. But. FFS. It’s sti;l a great movie. I don’t even care.

The plot of Choke, the book and the movie is simply: A sex addict, that was getting his doctorate degree but now works at a living museum, is convinced that he’s the second coming of Chrst.

Obviously there’s more twists and tujrns. I mean. Fight Club is a book/movie that’s about an insomiac that creates his own alternate personality in order to become the leader of the biggest anti-capitalist terrorist group this side of ISIS or something.. but… I mean… it just starts with an insomniac that just wats to sleep.

Just like Choke just starts off with a sex addict that just wants to pay for his mother’s hospital bills.

FFS.

Ive done this rambling THIS loneg without mentioning the WHOLE reason for the title… the fucl’s wrong with me? Right?

Victor Mancini. He goes out to restaurants. And intentionally cjokes on food. He makes a scene, trying to get the wealthiest of heroes to save the day…. When they save you, they become life-long protectors of you… and send you money for birthdays that happen 100 times a year. etc.

I mean….

Now… the biggest piece of shit about all of thyis.. is the ending.

Like… THE ONLY REASON why I don’t, ACTUALLY hold Choke (2008) in a higher regard is because “The Lord High Charlie” “Agent, whoever” in Avengers decided to throw away the book’s ending.

You see, I wana call him Lenny (but he’s not tjhat’s some Grapes of Wrath shit) DENNY! That’s the character’s name. FFS. Denny starts collecting rocks . Denny is a sex addict too. But his sex addiction pertains to masturbation. Basically, his arc becomes that he collects a rock for every day that he doesn’t masturbate. Eventually, he and his stripper girlfirned start building something out of the rocks. It could be a house, it could be anything. Victor, Sam Rockwell, eventually, is all like, “Hey dude, come bring us some rocks to build whatever we’re building!” He says that shit on the news. So… everyone that saved his life and has been sending him money throughout his life they watch him on the news…. and they come down to Denny’s structure.

And… one savior talks to another. And.

BOOM! POWEDER KEG! They all end up ruining Denny’s rock structure because Victor Mancini scammed them all.

Denny’s like, “Well, dude, they left us some pretty good rocks, we can build anything now!”

Amd that’s how the book ends.

But. Even though they shot it, Clark Gregg, you know, The Lord High Charlie, Agent whomever, himself was like, “Nah bruh, that ending doesn’t make sense,” and left it out of the movie. Yet. That is the most perfect way to end it. FFS. Chuck Palahniuk himself was like, “Please don’t be TOO faithful, and don’t change the ending”

CLARK GREGG! BRUH?! YOU HAD ONE JOB! Kinda… I mean… you wrote, acted and directed. BUT YOU7 HAD ON JOB?! THE FUCK?!

Choke (2008) is gonna have a largely forgotten legacy. FFS. Shit’s not available on any streaming platform as far as I know. Obviousl you can “rent” or “buy” it on many platforms. But. FFS. The movie had SO GOD DAMN MUCH potentuial…

And either way, it’s a fantastic watch. I don’t give a fuck.

The “rape” scene?! I mean… Shit should be taught in film school. Pretty sure. But.

Oh well.s

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