My Batman Story


My Batman story, right?

It’s FAR more important than that series dubbed, “The Nerdiest Rambling Ever: My e-Wrestling Story.” It, probably, is the most significant part of that ill-fated series I began here on a few months ago, titled, “The Emo-est Rambling Ever: My Story.”

So tonight, being the Goddamn 75th birthday (kinda) of the Goddamn Batman, I decided I’d dedicate a whole “drunken session” to this immortal, amazing character.

I decided that tonight would be my celebration. Even though, throughout my knowledge and research, the ACTUAL “birth date” of Batman is unknown to anyone.  Thus I did this whole thing called, kinda,  “#Batman75”  on  The Drunken Radio Show.

Just after concluding that edition of The Drunken Radio Show? I was having a serious dilemma in myself.  It was a mystery, wrapped in a riddle, inside an enigma. As much as I love this Batman character, I didn’t know, for sure, how my passion came to be. I had absolutely NO IDEA why this character was introduced to me. At all.

As far as I knew, I remember being three-ish-years-old and knowing of both Batman (Tim Burton’s film in ’89) and this ’66 Batman show. I rememered both of these things. And the memory for me, being that young, was jumbled.

To keep a long story short, I talked to my three older siblings. And basically, I concluded that I had discovered Batman through the admiration of the ’89 film. The replays of the Batman television series would come later.

Sorry dudes. You came later.

I remember watching Batman ’89 religiously. So much so, I’ve been told that when I was two-years-old, I could recite the movie by heart.

Most every distant relative of mine would recount that their fondest, or at least most vivid, memory of me would be my love for Batman.

Proof of this... wait... DEAR GOD! NOOOO!
Proof of this… wait… DEAR GOD! NOOOO!

Enter Batman Returns. And its being one of the first movies I recall watching in a movie theater.

RANDOM SIDENOTE: Hook was released prior to that film. And I also remember going to see it in the theaters. But whatever.

The point of all of these 350-ish words?

I. Loved. Batman.

For as long as I can possibly remember. Batman was, and is, rooted deep in my soul.

I remember watching Batman – The Animated Series on television a little later in life. The show introduced me to so many different characters. Ventriloquist. Clayface. Poison Ivy. And many others. The one that sticks out the most? Well… it was discussed on tonight’s show, in LOTS of detail but. It was…

This guy.

One, two, skip a few, ninety-nine, one hundred.

And then came Batman Forever. Two-Face was brought to life on the big screen. And. Obviously. Being seven-years-old, I absolutely loved the film. And it’s still held in great regard for me to this day. Obviously, it’s not that great. You’ve got Two-Face being reduced to… well… what Tommy Lee Jones portrayed him as. And you had Jim Carrey interpreting Frank Gorshin interpreting Riddler. But still. I love(d) the movie.

I would watch the old Super Friends show on Cartoon Network. And even more awesomely… I’d watch The Super Powers Team, which was, basically, the latter year version of Super Friends. But darker. And awesomer. I remember seeing the episode. Damn. The name’s escaping me. But Scarecrow was the villain and it was the first depiction on television of Batman’s origin.

But still.

I. Loved. Batman.

And then…

Of course…

This happened.

And again. Being only nine-years-old. I enjoyed the movie. Probably because it catered to me. At the time. And stuffs. I made my parents buy all the action figures and stuffs. Which was exactly what the movie was designed to do.

In a slight defense of the movie. You know. In hindsight. The one thing I can say is that the villains (excluding Bane, because fuck Bane in that movie) were cast perfectly.

Seriously. In 1997. There was NO ONE better to cast as Mr. Freeze than Arnold Schwarzenegger. There was NO ONE better to cast as a PERFECT femme fetale that Poison Ivy is than Uma Thurman. The writing? The direction? All of those things? Terrible. Obviously.

During this time, I also found a new love. That being professional wrestling. But that’s neither here nor there.

From there, my love for Batman dwindled. I didn’t care anymore. The “Batmania” in me was gone. I could care less about the world’s greatest detective. There was no longer a reason for me to care. At all. Batman was irrelevant.

And stuffs.


Of course.

Call me a “bandwaggoner.” Whatever you want to.


Of course.

This happened. Right?

Batman began. Christopher Nolan was at the helm of Batman-On-Film. And I loved it. When I first saw the movie, I was 17-years-old. I had seen the first two Spider-Man movies (Spider-Man, as “fans” of mine would know is my second-favorite hero). I’d seen the X-Men movie(s? I don’t remember how many were out in 2005). But Batman was back. The hero from my childhood.

Batman began. And rekindled my love for the character. I’ve been hooked on him, once again, ever since. But really? What defined the movie for me? It’s found in this scene:


OK. The scene’s been mocked. Christian Bale’s voice as Batman has been mocked to NO end at this point. But that scene there. It brought me back to my love of the character. Seriously. Batman? He wasn’t a human being when Bruce Wayne put on the suit. He was a fucking demon. And it was portrayed perfectly by Bale in that scene. Absolutely perfectly.

In 2006 (when I was graduating) and into 2007, there was all the hype going into Batman Begins’ sequel.

Heath Ledger was cast as the Joker. And (I’ve told this story numerous times so bear with me) at first, I, like pretty much everyone shat on the choice. I couldn’t get into it. I couldn’t see it. Later, the same night I learned of the casting, I had told my sister about it.

She said to me:

That makes sense. He’s got that huge smile.

From there? I knew something amazing was going to happen. Shortly after, I heard of Aaron Eckhart’s casting as Harvey Dent. Coming off of my first watching of Thank You for Smoking (seriously, it was about a month into my seeing that film and Eckhart’s casting), I knew something amazing was about to happen.

Amidst all of the hype of the upcoming film, I finally stooped to a new low. If you wish to call it such. I bought my first Batman comics. If the anthologies resold as graphic novels count, anyways. That’s for you to decide. I purchased and read “The Long Halloween.” And, although I couldn’t understand or truly “get into it” at the time, “The Dark Knight Returns” was in the same ilk.

Little did I know, the film would be the movie I had wanted to see since I was six-years-old.

I’ve since gone on to read numerous Batman comics. I watched and rewatched just about everything and anything Batman related that I can (the serials from the 40’s excluded).

I’ve become the “#Batmansturbater” that you see today.

I could go into far more details. I even should go into them. But I won’t.

There’s one thing, however, that I neglected to mention on tonight’s show. So I’ll do it now.

Definitively, who/what is “my” Batman?

Your answer is here:

Finally… just for old time’s sake. Which, I’m sure, will become new time’s sake…


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