Mass Effect: Andromeda | In-Depth Drunken Review

So. I mean. I kinda already did a review of Mass Effect: Andromeda on Youtube and stuffs. right? But like. It’s almost not a review.At all. It was more or less mee yelling and bitching about how stupid the gaming community is. With a bit of a Mass Effect: Andromeda review thrown in there.

In case you want to watch it. For some reason. Here you go.

So. What I wan to do now, is,.. you know… actually do a review. Talk about all of the good, bad, awesome and ugly. Hell. I might even give it soe sort of “grad” or whatever. I guess. We’ll see.

Here goes and stuffs, right?

Since Mass Effect: Andromeda’s release on March 21, I’ve started several new games and new game plus…es. Sp. I’m going to try my best to base this rambling on my very first playthrough. In which, I did a quick start Sara Ryder.

Since, you know, I spent that 20 minute video moistly talking about this, I’ll try and keep this as brief as possible. Biut, I mean, it’s impossible to doo a review about Mass Effect: Andromeda and not mention the whole “controversy” and nonsense surrounding it.

The facial animations.

This is what sent the gaming community on a jihad against the game and made me resort to fanboyism to defend this thing that I really, truly, liked. In all sincerity, emotions of the moment have died down. And seriously. The only thing I noticed, were thre two things I mentioned in the video review: Sara Ryder’s smile looked a bit qeird. And everyone’s eyes wandered around. A lot. However, I will admit that Addison up there. She did also strike me a bit odd.

Then “My face is tired,” became a thins. For. Some reason. And. The world ended. Or whatever.

All f this “facial animations” nonsense stemmed from one of the trailers in which, I never noticed anything wrong. Toi this day. I’ve seen nothing wrong with the scenes people have complained about. And a lot of these things are just poorly timed single frames.

That doesn’t mean that there aren’t problems, bugs and glitches. Because. I mean.

Imean. There obviously are.

I’m rambling about all of this too much. So. to endd it all. Or whatever. I’ll just say. When I play a game, I really don’t care if these sorts of bugs exist. I still standby that the Mass Effect Trilogy (as a whole)is one of the best games that ever played. And since. You know. I played it on the PS3. It was obviously filled ith these sorts of things. FemShep’s arms and shit would ALWAYS bleed through her dress. Things like that. The point is, these things don’t bother me. I don’t have ANY idea why they should, logically, bother anyone else.

Then again.

I still could NOT tell you what the difference is between 30 FPS vs. 60 FSP. So.

The combat.

Pretty much, the only thing I reviewed in that video review things. Was this. But I’ll say it again quickly. The combat in Mass Effect: Andromeda is. Legitimately. Probably the best and most fun I’ve ever played in a game. That’s not fanboyism. I’m being a real as humanly possibly. For pretty much every game I play, the combat is the most tedious thing I do.

But forreals. This game’s combat system has not only made combat fun. But I actually want to play through combat sections and shit. It’s crazy. Bioware’s last game, Dragon Age: Inquisition, had… pretty much… the most tedious combat in the history of ever (maybe behind Horizon Zero Dawn). And while ME:A liberally borrows aspects of DA:I, Yjeu got comebat fixed. And done. Pretty much perfectly.

The story.

While, I mean. The story DEFINITELY has its faults. I’d even say that the first few hours of the game is a DEFINITE chore. Mass Effect: Andromeda‘s story… overall… leaves much to be desired. Hell I’ll even say too much.

Byt. My quick “reviewer synopsisness.”

Before the events of Mass Effect 3, you are a human taking part in a citizen-driven, multi-species venture from the Milky Way galaxy to Andromeda (There’s even an awesome Space-X bit of awesomeness… just trust me on this). You find yourself being given then role as pathfinder for the humans. Essentially, you’re tasked with finding a new planet to call hom for humanity. But there’s some alien assholes, called the Kett, lead by this dude named The Archon. And, they’re obviously going to make this difficult. Then there’s these robot… dare I say… AI? And they’re trying to kill you too. Sometimes. But they’re also trying to kill the Kett. So. You know.


As every trailer and TV commercial suggests. And trailers too.

There’s SO much to get into with the story. But more than likely, everything that I’ve got to say has one of these involved…

The firs thing that comes to mind when I think of Mass Effect: Andromeda‘s story is a sidequest that I really cared about. “Ryder’s Family Secrets.” It’s a sidequest I HAD to finish in my first playtrhough. And. I mean. You’re given WAY more questions than answers.

Who killed Gien Garson?Who is the benefactor? Why wouldn’t Alex Ryder tell his kids that their mother’s still alive so they could help find her cure more quickly? Was that the man that would become Counselor Udina that was advising Alec Ryder when he met with that Citadel person? Like. Come on dude. If this is wrapped up with a bullshit DLC that SHOULD HAVE BEEN ANSWERED WITHOUT PAYING EXTRA… I will be pretty upset.

Then there’s the thins with the main story.

Who are the Jar Dan? I mean. They’re like… Gods. And stuffs. I’m guyessing, they have nothing to do with Reapers. But like. That’d make a whole hell of a lot of sense. Given that. You know. They created the Angaram and the Remnant and stuffs. Why did they create the Angara or the Remnant?

What does the “Ktt Empire” look like?

What in the living hell is the Scourge? Was it a weapon used against the Jar Dan? Was it an accident created by the Jar Dan?

We litterally knew WAY MORE about the upcoming Mass Effect sequels, the Reapers, thd Protheans, etc.  aftert the first installment than we know ANYTHING about the things set up here.

And then… there’s Quarians. Who. We were semi-promised to make an appearance. But they’re relegated to DLC, AT BEST. They MAY not even make an appearence until a sequel is released. If a sequel is released (THANKS GAMING CUMMUNITY WHINERS~!). Granted. A Quarian Ark DLC expansion would, obviously be awesome. But still.

Althgh… I do have a theory about Quarians. And how they relate to… Andromeda… and stuffs. But.

I mean. The story? It’s fine. It’s not great. It’s not even as good as the first Mass Effect game’s (which is pretty lame, seriously).

The characters.

I meran.

There’s only one annoying squadmate. Really. Everyone’s pretty instresting. Easpecialluy. once you complete loyalty missions and talk to them some moret. And PeeBee. Or Peebs, as I’ve come to know her. If you romance her, it’s seriously, one of the best pieces of art in the world. Her story I mean. I swear. I’m not talking about the sex scene.

The Archon, and the Kett in general are pretty lame. Archon’s just an generic eveil dude. Or whatever. With some other bits of things thrown in there. But I mean. Seriously?

His motivation is killing all life? Or whatever? Or.. at least… that’s what Ryder and the creew conclude

Most other peoples are gine. It’s pretty dumb that your sibling is just… you know… existing throughout ALL of the game. And. Yeah. That’s pretty much it.

And of course, the game’s littered with random Joe Blow’s you can talk to, ask them why they came to Andromeda, stuffs like that. Which. I mean. Take them or leave them, innit?

Random stuffs/final thoughts.

One thing that’s ENTIRELY too anoying is switching proviles. I mean. It’s AWESOME that you don’t have a select few “powers” you can use. But switching from profeile-to-prfile is lame. As ALL hell. If there were a quicker way to do it, I’d probably switch profiles a LOT more than I do. Honestly, throughout all of my playthroughts, I’ve probably switched profiles, mid-combat, probably seven times. Give or take.

SAM’S repeated bits of dialogue are WAY too annoying.  No matter if he’s going on and on and on and on about environmental haszards, or non stop reminders about emails. He’s dumb. And an asshjole. And. Best of all… then 1.05 patch ,ade him even wordse. Now. No matter what. Whenever you walk into the Tempest’s research center, you’re reminded that you’ve got a new email. Sigh.


POverall, Mass Effect: Andromeda isn’t the best game ever. To me, it’s… probably the third best in the franchise. There is too much that leaves me in the dark that I HOPE isn’t ruined by some bullshit DLC things.

But at the same time, there’s SO MUCH AWESOMENESS that’s thrown into the game. Speaking as a lesbian, that tidbit between Sara Ryder and Suvi that everyone throws into every critique video on Youtube. You know, it ends with Kalo Jath saying, “Kill. Me. Now.” Is entirely awesome. It shows the Bioware heart and shoul that still does exist.

But that’s kinda a bit of the problem.

You almost have to squint inorder to see that heart and soul.

But. Oberall?

I’d have to give this game a SOLID…


The combat alone makes Mass Effect: Andromeda one of the best gaming experiences I’ve ever played. The MAJOR story elements take it down quite a few notches. But the game’s  NO WHERE NEAR the No Man’s Sky level of lameness the gaming community have made it into.

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