I Bet It Gets Lonely in Heaven…

So… I mean… I’ve been constantly. Nonstop. About this band for… for… for way too many months now. R8ght? I mean. I’m pretty God damn positive I mentioned them at least ONCEA.. in each of the whole, “Quarantine Thoughtes” ramblings. Things. Fuck. I mean. It’s gotta have happened more than that. Right. But. I mean.

Dude.

This song.

By The Glorious Sons. Whom I’ve called (inarguably justly) THE modern day Beetles. Made this song (or… according to YouTube, this “pfficial music video” wqas published “4 Years Ago.”

And…

Uh…


I mean… If you don’t understand the lyrics from this music video… get your ears checked. I think?

Dude.

There’s no question about it.

It gets lonely in heaven. Lonely as fucl. Right. I mean. This is common sense.

  1. No one is without sin. And he who is not: Cast the first stone. And all that. Right?
  2. You’ve got to KNOW without a SHADOW of doubt that Jesus is your one and true savior and God and stuffs. Like. You’re not even allowed to question it. You HAVE to know that Jesus died for your sins and like.. you know… withut him, you can’t get into heaven. Basically. So… Lonlieness…
  3. Jewish? Bruh. Don’t even start.
  4. Waitaminute. You can be a “Saul” all your life. But. As soon as you accept Jesus as your savior and stuffs. You’re a “Paul?” Something like that (you know… the excuse that’s constantly given to President Trump). OK. Sure. I guess heaven isn’t so lonely now?
  5. BUT FFS! IF YOU LOVE SOMEONE WITH SIMILAR GENITALS TO YOURS AND YOU SPREAD THE WORD OF JESUS… YOU MOTHER FUCKER! YOU’RE NEVER GONNA GET INTOP HEAVEN YOU FUCKINFG SINNER ASSHOLE!  HOW DARE YOU?!
  6. I mean… the Christians of the 1980’s. You know. The Nancy Reaganish types. DARE to not go to hell, if you will. Bruh. Hell sounds like the most fun. Right? You die. And live forever in a place where you can smoke, drink, do drugs, have sex. Merhaps, Lucifer wants to put fire on you a couple of times because, “How dare you exist?! This one time?!” Or.. something. But. I mean. Sign me up. Right? All the “SINFUL” shit, according to 1980’s type of hell sounds like the biggest party ever. So. Fuck. Shit. Jesus.

    “Fuck. Shit. Jesus. Is right.”
  7. Basically.
  8. Theology is totally stupid. The concpet of “The afterlife.” Is completely nonsensical.
  9. And The afterlife doesn’t exist. When you die. Your brain does, or doesn’t do whatever it feels like it must whilst being oxigen deprived before we all go back to the nothingness that is 1890.
  10. Right?
  11. Or… as it was displayed in the most brilliantly written TV show ever, BoJack Horseman


“BoJack, no… There is no ‘other side.’ This is it!”

Jesus Christ. Just watching that clip. I started tearing up.

Yet. I’m not allowed in heaven cause…. I’m “a drunkard” or something. Such bullshit. Much nonsensical afterlife. Give me black tar. Not some bullshit, overly bright place where all of my ancestors are anxiously awaiting my arival. For some reason. Like. They’ve just been sitting up there for eternity, just, anxiously awaiting my arrival. Or like. Jesus. I swear. If I keep my anscestors waiting to do some awesome shit in the afterlife. JUST so they can watch me accomplish something awesome here on earth… like… my bad, dudes. You know?

Please.

Something like that. I’m you’re humble drunkard from afar. And I know nothing.

And as much nothing as I know. I KNOW that the afterlife fairytales are bullshit. The end.

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