Drunken WrestleMania 36 Predictions

So. Uh… I’ve no idea dude. I’ve no idea how this rambling is gonna go. Again. The last few ramblings I’ve done have been in my ohone. This one included. So. I’ve no idea if this will hd up to my nearly 10 year standard. But. Whatever. I’ma do my best my dudes! And. Again. Of Corona can’t kill WrestleMania itself, then damn it, it can’t kill my annual predictions!

So. Uh…

Here. I thought WWE.com would’ve broken the matches down between the two nights.  Since.H you know. Jesus Chridt. “This os the onlu WrestleMania too big for one night!” And everyone. So. In order… According to WWE.com…

LFG!

WWE Women’s Tag Team Championship The Kabuki Warriors vs. Bliss Cross Applesauce

Dude. I dunno. I really. Don’t. I mean. It’s me. The dude that says Asuka made me fall in love with Wrestling again. Legit. But. Legit? I want the Kabuki Warriors to just fuck off already and die. And. I mean. As much as I hate to see Asuka lose. Because. As always. #AsukaDeservesBetter… Bliss Cross Applesauce win. I guess.

Otis vs. Dolph Ziggler

Dude… Again. I’ve no idea. In the real world… Kinda… Otis is the Knight in shining armor… Especially since the reveal that happened in SmackDown. But.bthis is Vince McMahon. And WWE. Most likely. Mandy Rose goes full glheel…. Again…a d gives Dolph Ziggler the win. But. This can go either way. Obviously.

Aleister Black vs. Bobby Lashley

So uh… Now we hit the Paul Heyman conundrum. Right?  Heyman, as executive director OF WWE Raw… HenLOVES some Aleister Blacks. But he… Obviously knows that BobbybLashley vs. Brock Lesbar is a HUGE money match. So… Hrmph. My guess is Lana accidentally codts Lashley the match, slowly planting the seeds of a Lashley face turn. And you know. More importantly right now, Lanale accidentally goves Aleister the win.

Elias vs. King Corbin

Oof dude

I couldn’t care less about this. Even given the dramatic fall on SmackDown last week. Uhhh… Corbin?  But here. Lemme just say. I’m sick to death of WWE feeling the need to give a “king” gimmick to whoever wins King of the Ring tornament. Its so fucking forced and stupidm. I fucking hate it.

WWE Raw Tag Team Championship: Street Profits vs. Austin Theory & Angel Garza

Dude. I’ve held Hector Gaza in my heart so God damn much. Seeing his Corkscrew dive to the outside time and time again on WCW Nitro has stuck with me so damn much… I’ve no idea how… LITERALKY NO ONE has usesld a forkscrew splash as a finish. All that being said… Obviously… Street Profits win.

 

WWE SmackDown Tag Team Championship Ladder Match: Usos vs. Miz and Morrison vs. New Day

I mean… Apparently… Miz isn’t there. Or something. So… Who knows what’s going on thete. Here’s hoping that Jeoy Mercury shows up in his place. But  nah. Uh. I’m guessing John Morrison wins. Cause that’s what makes the mostbsense. Somehow.

WWE Intercontinental Championship: Sami Zayne vs. Daniel Bryan

Obviously. We all love Daniel Bryan.  I live myself some Bryan Danielsons. Obviusly. But. Even more than Daniel Bryan winning the IC title. Again. Is having Sammi Zayne have a lengthy, awesome title reign. You know. So. Merhaps this is just me hoping. But. Whatever. Sammi Zayne wins. Hopefully.

Kevin Owens vs. Seth Rollins

Dude. Here. A quock. Little. Kinda. Random Sidenote type of thing. WWE has done themselves no service by renaming Indy stars. Right? Like. This is obviously Keven Steen vs. Tyler Black. I mean. Jon Mozley? Brodie Lee? If anything… WWE hurts themselves by changing people’s names at this point. But. Kevin Owens wins. If for no other reason than Seth is gonna take a break after Mania. Corona or no. So.

NXT Women’s Championship: Rhea Ripley vs. Charlotte Flair

Damn man. This can go either way. Legit. This… And another mstch is like one of the biggest tossups. So. Uh… I don’t know. THE this g rht makes sense is Rhea Ripley wins. But. I mean. Charlotte is Charlotte. And I mean. WWE loves Charlotte WAY too much. And Charlottle mlwins everything. So. Who knows?

WWE SmackDown Women’s Championship: Fatal Fove-way Match

Dude. I dunno. Maybe I made this point already. But. Uh. WWE has leaned into the parody of itself. Rivht? With this “SmackDown” championships. Every. ANY parody of wrestling/WWE almost ALWAYS have a “Ultimate SmackDown Chpionshop!” In their paordies. And like. How and/or why WWE are constantly leaninging into this stereotype is beyond me. But. OK. Uh… Bagley wi z.Hopefilly we get thw Sasha/Bayley feud we’ve been begging for as a result of this.

WWE Raw Women’s Championship: Becky Lynch vs. Shayna Baszler

I mean. Come on y’all. Christmas Critters style. Shayna wins this. Obviously. And FFS. let’s FUCKINF hppe that this loss makes Becky more bareable to watch. Just. Jesus Christ. Front the “GOAT” jacket to the meme glaassez. Fuck Becky. Pwriod.

Last Man Standing: Edge vs. Randy Orton

I mean. Edge wibs. Moving on. Sigh. Quickly. Yes. This has been the best built feud in wrestling storytelling in such a long time. But still. The awesomeness doesn’t change the outcome.

Firefly Fun House Match: John Cena vs. The Fiend Bray Wyatt

I mean.bCOULD this go eitherbway? Sure. But. I mwan.. The Fiend winning is the only thing that makrs senze. Here’s hoping that the match… And “making movives” aspect of things is as aw3some as itnsounds Right?

Boneyard Match: The Undertaker vs. AJ Styles

Dude. THE thing that sucks. About ALL of this. This. WrestleMania happening. Under the Covid circumstances. THE worst thing to happen qith all of it. Is this match. AJ styles a d Takrr would have an AMAZING match. At WrestleMania in front of 70-100,000 fans. THIS is the biggest injustice of the whoem COVID thinf. Forreals. This match is now “boneuard.” Whatever that meNs. So. Uh. What NEEDED to happen was as Adam Blampied “booked” on YouTube. AJ making Undertaker tap out. Now? Who the hell knows. I… Guesz… AJ Styles still wins? But oof. This sucks.

Universal Championship: Goldberg vs. Braun Strowman

D7de. WWE did t eceb give a shit about the match being changed oN SmackDown. So. Uh. Goldberg wins. Setting up the inevitable Roman Reigns wins when everything is normal again.

WWE Championship: Brock Lesnar vs. Drew McIntyre

I mean. Drew wins. There’s no details needed. But. Uhm im no fan of Drew’s. At all. But heym. At least the belt’s off of Lesnar. Right? I dunno. Whayever.

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