So. For the first time in my life, I decided I wanted to coollect an entire series of a comic book story arc, before it’s released in a graphic novel sort of form, you know what I mean? I wanted to collect and read the single issues of a series and such. Right?
I almost pulled the trigger to do this on Max :andis’s “American Alien” Superman story arc. But I didn’t.
Instead. When I found out that DC was bringing the characters of the “Watchmen” “universe” whateverness (Bear in mind, I’ve often said, Watchmen is the best comic story I’ve ever read). In to play with their toys of the DCU. I knew I had to pull the trigger.
And now, I figured, I’ do my best to review my experience. At first, I thought I’d do this in four parts, but instead, I settled on three. So, over the next few months (but only two times more after this rambling) you’ll have to put up with this here intro as I Count Down Doomsday!
#3: Eating Breakfast
Throughout this rambling, I’ll be discussing Doomsday Clock #1-#4. And such.
Story Drunksplained: Basically, man, like.. the comics start with a world. Deemed “1992.” Rorschach is doing all Rorchachy things. Kinda. But like it’s in 1992. And the President is golfing. He scored his record breaking hole-in-one in golf (Kep in mind, the President sn’t defined. Although, merhaps it’s Robert Redford, since President Robert Redford is mentioned, but who the President IS in 1992, Watchmenverse, isn’t stated). Russians are about to invade Polland. It’s been exposed and confirmed that Ozymandias, Adriend Viedt person thing, was behind the attck in New York. He’s got a billion dallar bounty on his head and whatnot. But Rorschach’s walking through a prison. Because. You kow. Reasons.
Sigh. I’ll condense more. My bead.
Rorschach is hiring riminals to help “Find God.” But then it’s provben he’s not the same Rorschach because he takes off a glov aand shows he has black skin. So. It’s not the once imprsioned Walter Kovacs, right? So yeah. He’s breaking Marionete and Mime person out of prison. Because he needs them to do a job. Person he works for knows ewhere their son is. He’s working for Ozymandias.
There’s anawesome momenet where al of the news networks sign off. And we’re given ews by National Network News, or something. Basically. A state news ageny. Cause. Ozyviedt person fucked everything up.
Claerk Kent then hashis first nightmare. Ever.
Nuclear bombs are being thrown about in the Watchmen universe. Or. About to. Burt. Mime and Marionette persn things go rob a bnank. TYhks soe how causes Dr. Manhattan to make an appearance back on their earth. He doesn’t obliterate the duo becaUSE Marionette person has a baby inside her, but she apparently doesn’t. Ozy just made the appearace of a heartbeat. So. Jon lets them live and fucks off again.
Ozy’s likw, “hey, I knew Jon wouldn’t kill you cause I’m so smart and tuffs, But now that he showed his electrons, I’ve been rigging up Archie (Nite Owl’s flying vehinchel thing) to follow his electrons and shit so lets do this, people!”
Because. You know. Nukes are flighiung. Because. You know. NNN is just a propaganda ness thing. Lying about wars and suchs. And…
Read a sogn je;d by a [protester. (because DC cleverly covered the letters with text bubbles…. and I mean, in reality this shit doesn’t have MUCH to do with Trump and stuffs, it’;s just. You know. Media’s gotta be media and have their dig at him and such. Because. YEAH! WOOO WE HATE TRUMP! YEAH! LOVBE US, EVERYONE, EVER!~)
Veidt struggles to gdt Archie ot follow the Manhattan Electrons signatureness. But he does. Wham bam thank you mam. They find themselve in Gotham. Rorschach and Ozy gpo to thje Library and discover that Bruce Wayne and Lex Luthor are the smartest men on the planet.
Ozy says, he wanrts to contact the smartest.
So. Rorschach goes exploring Wayne Manor (SIGH SIGH SIGH).
Meanwhile, throughout all of this… Bruce Wayne’s going through some sort of rorschach Tests because of something, the board of Wayne Enterprises said he needed to have therapy once a year or something. Wayne’s arguing with Luscious Fox about Lexcroipr possibluy buuying the company. But Mad Hatter’s n the loose. And something about rthe “Superman Theory” is happening. And Gothamites are HARDCORE protesting against Batman.
Sigh. Essentially, The “Superman Theory” is put forth by Man-Bat… and some other person. And it’s a theory that America is creating metahumans/superheros because most metahumans/superheros are from America. Or something. Then like… “Lady Clayface” (MY Batman expert ass never heard of her before) came forward and was like, “Yeah dude, the U.S. Governemnt is creating metahumans, or something.”
So Batman’s out there, trying to capture Mad Hatter.
Meanwhile. Rorchsachs, whose name has been revealed to be “Reggie,” which… MAYBE a call back to Watchmen, I’m still not totally certain. But. Rorscach finds himself some pancakes, left for Bruce Wayne, in Wayne Manort, all wrapped in tinfoil and warm and stuffs. Because, “Rorschach likes warm pancakes and syrup” is a sidestory that’s happening throughout ALL of this. Legit. Rorschach is going through Wayne Manor. Discovers the entry to the Batcave. A silent alarm of sorts goes off while Batman’s dealing with Mad Hatter.
Ozy’s talking to Lex Luthor. And stuffs happens. I mean. This bit is pretty, legit confusing. Alright so.
Ozyman is. Legit. Trying to save his world and such. And he’s talking to Luthor, trying to get some advice on where Dr. Manhattan is. Luthor’s calling for security. Luthor takes a genuine interest in Ozy’s story. But sdomeone sahoots a bullet. Ozy, being you know, “fast enough to catch one” and all that, dodges it. Because, you know, it’s also a legit storyu that the smartest man on earth gave himself cancer and such (I’m not knocking that story bit it’s just.. way yoo much is happening_)
Then. Therw’s Comewdian. You know. All Jeffery Dean Morgan style. Like, “I wasn’t ready for you before, but I’m well-prepared now~!”
Basically, Dr Manhattan… somehow… zapped Comedian to this earth before he died. And such. So… Comedian throws Ozy out of the window, eventually, but Ozy does the “smartest man alive” thinh and surives, basically.
Thewn, Batman meets new Rorschach. In the Batcanve. And he’s like, “Dude, you atye my breakfast.” Rorschach’s lis like, “Yup.”
Rorschach tells Batman to read Kovac’s (the original Rorschach) journal, Batman tells him to get reast. Alrefd prepares a room for Reggie and wat not. After taking shower and washing off the dirty hands that shook Veid’s Rorschach goes to sleep.
he awakens with Batman beside him saying, “Dude, it’s all good, I’ve found where Dr. Manhatan is.” Rorschach’s like, “OMG~! DUDE~! WHERE?!” Batman says, “He’s at a place called Arkham Asslm.”
So. They both break into Arkham. Batman’s like, “Follow my lead, dude.” And such. And. In a brilliant plottwist that I, legit, fdidn’t see coming, somehow, Batman locks Rorschach inside Arkham.
Then, we’re given this bizzare things. Dude. Like. We’re givien the backstory of Reggie Rorschachs and whatnot. Right? Reggie is the son of the therapist assigned to Rorschach. You know. Walter Kovacs. And like…
Something to do with Mothman from the Watchmen universe happens? Something about another “mothperson” from the DCU happens? I don’t know man. But basicaly. Batman was testing Rorschach’s legitimacy by locking him in Arkham. In fact, Briuce had been masquarading ads Reggie’s therapist in Arkham and such.
And all sorts of weirdness.
BEFORE I LEAVE THE DRUNKSPLAINING: There’s also some bit in here where Mime and Marionatte person escape Archie and go for a drink in Gotham. But they wander into a bar controlled by Joker. And since they both are in clownish make-up, Joker wouldn’t take kindly to that and such. So they have a barfight. Especially since, you know, Marionette person is just some sort of random take on Harley Quinn. Or something? I don’t know man.
And lastly, Veidt is called, “Lex Luthor’s would-be assassin,” and both are at the hospital.
REVIEWINESS~!: Dude. By the end of the first book, I was TOTALLY pumped, right? They made it out to be that Watchmen and DCU shared THE SAME universe. Things. But BLAH~! DR. MANHATTAN’S ELECTRONS~! BLAH~! I mean… from a story type of sense, sure it all makes sense. But like. They totally dicked us out, right? ALL that I knew was that this was a meeting of DCU’s characters and Watchmen. By the end of #1, I was like, “Oh wow, alright. Something isnstresting’s happening here, Superman’s having his first nightmare ever… and it all seems to be happening in this ‘1992’ world. OK.”
But nope. It’s just another “Crisis” happening on “The Bagillionth Earth.”
Don’t get me wrong, this all is fine. Story telling and all that. The problem I have is. The first issue dude. They set it up. Right there. Issue #1. KABLOWY~! Seemingly, that, this is all happening in conjunction of one another. Which is a MUCH more intriguing thought than just, you know, “Crisison Bagillionth Earth.” As it’s become. I’m not COMPL:AINING. Because the story is heading in an awesome direction. I’m just pointing out the shadiness of it.
Issue #1: Seems to be… “OMG~! ALL OF THESE WATCHMEN SEQUEL THINGS ARE HAPPENING, WHILST SUPERMAN ASLO EXISTS~!” Oh me oh my, I can’t wait to see how Superman exists in this “1992” place~!
Issue#2andsoon: Reveals, “Oh, so, Superman just had a nightmare, for the first time ever, just cause? Oh. And the Robert Redfordverse isn’t even happening where Superman lives, aw shucks, that sucks. But This story’s still pretty damn instresting.”
Merhaps I’m nitpicking? i mean… I doubt that. but. Nitpicking’s not the right word. I’m.. being? I don’t know? Too big of a fan? Because… that’s a problem! (Hello, WWE!) I dunno man. I should’ve seen it coming (much like the Rorschach/Arkahm bit, which I still think is awesome), but it still sucks that it happened, right?
Something like that.
And The Batman/Rorschach confrontation happened. Because of brerakfast. Pancakes. How cool is that, right?