I talked about this in one of the ramblings included in The Drunken Diaries – Someone’s Drunken Ramblings You Don’t Want to Read. Hell, I’ll even give you the rambling’s name. The Rambling of Random Relationship FACTS! Check out the book. Because it’s a good time.
Either way. The basic point that I said in that previous rambling was: “Moving on REALLY is THAT simple.”
But that point in it of itself, is too much of a “blanket statement.” I will easily admit such. “Oh, you don’t want to move on? WELL.. YOU SHOULD WANT TO!” That argument gets you no where. At all. But, it was, essentially, the point that I tried to display in the aforementioned rambling in my eBook.
Because, after leaving an ex-boyfriend/girlfriend, there is a portion of our psyche (no matter which side of the break up you may find yourself) that would like to remain with the “departed.”
And what I’m looking for, in this rambling is: Why?
Why is a former lover so important to you? Why is it so hard for you to move away from the experiences that you felt whilst you were with that person? Why is it so easy to say, “Time heals all wounds,” you know, the sort of “stereotypical” answer for these situations (or you know… my point in the, again, aforementioned rambling that it is REALLY is easy to move on from ex-to-present [essentially]).
I’ll begin my argument with this.
First and foremost. We, homo sapiens, are biologically vulnerable to change. Seriously. Change is something that, WITHIN our DNA is something that we, AUTOMATICALLY fight against.
Deeply embedded in our biology, homo sapiens are kainotophobiacs. You know. we fear change.
And it is fine to do so.
I mean, sure, you can have your arguments about how you HATE how Facebook has changed your “timeline” to adapt to their new “advertising algorism,” or what have you.
You can not adapt to physical, sudden changes. I mean. Seriously. If you were to suddenly transport from where you are RIGHT NOW, to IMMEDIATELY and SUDDENLY be transported to the summit of Mount Everest, your body would, pretty much, go into shock. Immediately? Your lungs would be struggling to find enough air to support your life. Whilst your lungs collapse within yourself, you would hallucinate. The sudden restriction of oxygen to your brain would certainly allow for immediate hallucinations. And, ultimately, if you were IMMEDIATELY and SUDDENLY transported to Mount Everest, RIGHT NOW, you would die. Within minutes. Certainly. That IS a biological fact.
OK. Sure. This is an EXTREME example of how we are biologically inept to adapt to change. Yes. It is.
But it is, emotionally, pretty much, the exact same thing. Emotionally, we automatically “hate” the idea of change (see, the example about ‘facebook,’). We, emotionally, “HATE” that our “lover” will no longer be “ours.”
They will (at some point, anyways,) differ from our current perception of a “lover”
Biologically, we reject isolationism.
Biologically, we, as humans, look to be social.
Biologically, we, as humans, look to reproduce. We, as pretty much any mammal, or any other animal on our planet of earth, look to spread our seed.
Unfortunately, once we, humans find a mate, we tend to, as… other monotonous animals do, stay with them. Sure. Communication plays a big part of this. But we choose to stay with them.
Once our mate’s word has been broken. And their word/promise to us has been proved to be unfaithful, it is COMPLETELY natural to reject such notions.
Did you reject the notion that the movie you had been looking forward to neglected your expectations?
Did you reject the notion that your favorite author wouldn’t live up to your expectations with his/her next novel?
Chances are, you didn’t.
Thus, the signals in your brain, hadn’t expected your relationship with your ex to suddenly expire. It wasn’t planned. Not within your own mind.
Now, why can’t we move on? Because. As you are now “single,” you further examine yourself as being a singular property. Thus. Lonely. Humans are, naturally, a social animal. And while we may feel temporary moments of social acceptance (during the life-changing events of a beak up) , ultimately, loneliness will consume us. Inevitably, nostalgia will, eventually, be the accepted state that your emotional consciousness will look towards.
I.E. “Maybe he cheated on me, but he was a good kisser!”
“She lied to me over and over and over again. But she could ride me unlike ANY other!”
In our nostalgic state, we revert back to our initial limmerance. And, essentially, the cycle consumes us and continues from there.
Limmerance into romantic love into full fledged relationship into a completed relationship into temporary (or, more often, elongated) limmerance for the previous relationship.
How do you fix all of this?
You realize, what I said in The Drunken Diaries – Someone’s Drunken Ramblings You Don’t Want to Read, is basically the truth.
Once a romantic relationship has completed, the best way to continue your life is to… you know… MOVE ON. Yes. The process is a difficult one to overcome. BUT the process is entirely THAT easy. YOU decide, in your mind to MOVE ON. Nothing and nobody else can make this decision.
This is ALL a a process dealing with a change in your mind. Not your heart. But your MIND. Speaking of which…