REMINDER: I’M NOT FIXING ANY TYPOS BECAUSE I’M DRUNK AND IT WILL MAKE THIS RAMBLING MORE SILLY AND INSTRESTING
You probably don’t want to read this eaither.
I mean. There’s only three artists whose albums I’ve purchased in my life. Well. No. Now that I think on it, that’s a lie. And it’s COMPLETELY blowing my mind right no.w But whatever. The point tis… this is going to be pretty boring and a shillfest to the VERY limited musicall… eoples that I actually like.
And… as a;waus. When I do lists” like this, these could always bropably change. Cause like. I’m drunk. And… well… I’m just making it up as I go. And… well… the only lile, “SET IN STONE~!” type of thing is probably about the top 5 or so. I dunno. because. As of this writing, I haven’t even started listing the shit yet. But whatever.
Honorable Mentions (In no particular order): Devil Without a Cause — Kid Rock, Weathered — Creed, S&M — Metallica, Unholy Terror — W.A.S.P., All Eyez on Me — 2Pac, Encore — Eminem, The Headless Children — W.A.S.P., Resurrect Me — Twinky, and probably LOTS more that I’m too drunk/tired to remember at this fucking point.
10. My Own Prison — Creed.
Creed COMPLETELY sucks. Like. COMPLETELY. Forreals. But this here. This, their VERY first album. Not that “Human Clay”shit that most would probably think is their first. Cause. You know, it’s where they gained their fame or whatever., but it’s NOT. Creed first did this album.
My Own Prison.
And it’s SERIOUSLY… like… you would NEER think that it came from Creed, other than it’s got Scott Sapp’s… you know… unforgettable “90’s” voice. and stuffs.
But yeah. This is pretty amazing.
I swear on my life on this.
9. Slim Shady LP — Eminem
This, well… it is what it is. It was Eminem’s first REAL album. And I mean, there’s some awesome songs on there. “Rock Bottom,” “I Still Don’t Give a Fuck,” and like… pothers that I KNOW I’m forgetting.
Oh yeah. And “Huilty Concoius” is a pretty good time.
“Still Don’t Give a Fuck” is EASILY it’s best, though.
8. Recovery — Eminem
Originally… I had this album at %5. But… it’s REALLY not all that good. As much as it was a GIGANTIC step forward from the piece of shit that was “Relapse,” it still isn’t COMPLETELY up to standard Eminem awesomeness.
And to answer the question quick. The SLim Shady LP is NO WHERE NEAR “Eminem Awesomeness.”
But it’s decent. And I mean. Just recently, I tried listening to this album the full way through again. And… well… honestly… there’s about five songs AT BEST worth listening to. And by “worth listening to,” I mean, “listening to more than the first 30 secnds and then skipping to the next song.”
As awesome as Recovery was for Eminem. It’s still not THAT great. NO WHERE NEAR the amazingness that plenty of people, myself included, nutted over when it first came out. But it’s still aewsome. Kinda.
7. The Eminem Show — Eminem
This here, it was a HUGE part of my “formitive years.” OIr… you know… something like that.
This. Along with “#2.” On this listplayed a HUFGE part of my “earlier” writing stages. And honstly, it was a part of like… “gorwing up.” And all that.
I know most Eminem enthuists really don’t like the album. But fuck you, I’m ifferent. I don’t care that he whines about his mom and is all loving towards his daughter instead of being “gangsta, yo~!” and shit.
And I mean… for cunt’s sake… the fucking CLUB BANGER (HI JAZI~!) on here is awesome. Best one he ever did. Other than… MAYBE Encore (the song, I mean, not the album, even though it’s in the honorable mentions).
6. The Neon God (1 and 2) — W.A.S.P.
So… at the time… and even… you know… for a while…
I thought that the story told here was like, “MY” stry. You see, I mean… these two albums, they’re concept albums. Meaning, you knolw, they tell a story. With characters and shit And like, I thought for a LONG time that the story told here was COMPLETELY relatable to me.
But then I realised that I never had a nun molest me. And I pretty much gave up on this notion. Maybe metaphorically, that happened. But whatever.
I still WISH TO FUCKING GOD that SOMEONE would make a Chrisy Benoit “tribute video:” thing and use “What I’ll Never Find” that’s on tyhis album (part 1, anyways) as the music. And like… when the solo hits, you’d play the news reports after he killed himself and stuffs.
Then Blackie screas, “I’M ALL ALOOOONE, ALL ALOOOOONE,” over and over.
It would be AMAZING.
5. Dominator — W.A.S.P.
This is ALMOST the PERFECT W.A.S.P. album.
There’s one TRUE “ski[p over” song. And it’s like… the last song on the album. If my memory serves me right.
But I mean… “Take Me Up,” the song… it’s ABSOLUTE musicla perfection. Entirely. Completely. Fuck you.
And there’s like five of those songs on there. Almost. Well. No. They’re not musical perfection. If they were, this would be higher. But they’re still amazing songs. “Mercy,” being the one that comes to mind first. Then “Heaven’s Hung in Black.” (The backstory of that song is pretty fucking awesome.) And…
Yeah. Near W.A.S.P. perfection. But not entirely.
4. K.F.D. — W.A.S.P.
This is W.A.S.P. perfection.
You can listen to EVERYTHING on here straight through and be satisfied. But seriously… I can BARELY decide which is better, this or Dominiatior. But I’m going with this. Whatever.
That is. if you’re in that sort of, “Fuck everyone I want to kill EVERYTHING” type of mood.
Basically. I mean… there’s more to it than that. LOTS more. I mean… the only “skip over” track on there is “Fetus.” But “Fetus” is just Blackie screaming the word, “Fetus” over and over againg to lead into the next song, “Little Death.” Which… is kinda about killing babies. I think. I’m not sure.
But it’s fucking awesome. Hard. Balls out. And… fucking… AMAZING.
Then… you’ve got the song, “U.”
The male’s breakup song. If there ever was ONE true MALE breakup song. “U,” is it. Easily. The end.
And to top it all off… you’ve got the absolute AMAZINGNESS that is “The Horror” as the closer for the album.
I’m kinda having a musicgasm right now.
3. Metallica — Metallica
This is the ONLY album done by Metallica that can be listened to the FULL way through. NO “skip over” songs here. AT ALL.
I men. Don’t get me wrong. metallica did some VERY amazing songs before this. And after this album too. But this…
This is their ABSOLUTELY PERFECT album.
From the song that will NEVER die, “Enter Sandman,” (forreals, that song will survive a nuclear holocaust) to “The Struggle Within” NOTHING is left unturned here by Mr. Hetfield and the boys.
2. The Marshal Mathers LP — Eminem
I told you this was coming.
This was, honestly, the VERY first album I ever, really, truly, listened t or owned or… like… whatever. This was my first. It broke my cherry.
But I mean… even gien all of that, it still stands the test of time as being ABSOLUTELY amazing.
There is NO question that this is Eminem’s best album. Ever. There is NO debate on this. At all. And if there’s like some nerd out there that say otherswise… you’re fucking wrong. Completely. And. Antirely.
There’s… I think ONE “skip over” song. And I can’t even think of it. Unless it’s the “club banger” #13. But even that is decent.
But fuck you.
This is the MOST flawless album ever made. Just like I said on Twitter, which kinda started this whole rambling. But. Whatever.
AND COMING IN AT #1…
Was there any doubt?
1. The Crimson Idol — W.A.S.P.
I mean… I’ve done this time and time again throughout the early days of RyansDrunk.com.
But I’ll do it quick.
This, “rock opera” is absolutely amazing. Jonathon’s story being that of, looking for “the love to shelter him,” and his attempt to find it with a mirror, music, a recod label, drugs/alcohol, “a million eyes…” but never being able to find it…
Thus… he has to OBVIOUSLY take his life by ripping the cords off of his guitar and using them as a noose to hang himself his final concert…
Abosolute muscal… well… OK… conceptiual… musical perfection…
But who knows.
Maybe The Beetles did something amazing.
That was probably The Who.
Or Third Eye Blind.
Or Frank Sinatra.
Or like… fucking… Elvis.