The 10 Best Things I’ve Seen with my Eyeballs

Lemme just say real quick? The “monkey puppet” meme template?

There’s plenty-a situation wher I don’t understand it. I’m just saying…

But like. I just did a couple of serches on for somethine simimalr to “with my eyeballsm” and uh, i didn’t get the shitton of results I thought I would. But. I mean. I’m almost pretty god damn positive that I’ve said… numerous times “this is the greatest thing I’ve seen with my eyeballs.” Especially when it comes to one of the things I’ma be on about. So. I mean. I thought. Why not rank them all? 10-1. Right? The greatest things. I’ve enser seen. With my eyeballs.

So. Let’s do this.

I dunno about you. But I’m pretty excited to find out what’s on this list. Legit. Let’s do this. Together! Forreals.

#10. The boobs I saw whilst losing my virginity…

I figured, I’d get the most “conroversial” thing out of the way first.

And I mean.

Graphically? This entry is stupid. In comparison to all of the other things, hopefully, thaty happen on this list.

So. Uh…

Yeah dude. What other words are there to say right? Good times. Kinda. I mean. In general, I probably got totally ruined as a person during this time period. But I mean. Whatever. I’ll get off this topic.

But I mean… it couldn’t be ignored. And I mean, in reality? It shouldn’t be number ten. But. Whatever.

#9. Watchmen (2009)

I mean. There’s so man y words that need to be said here.

Firstly. This is only one of three films I’m going to include on this list. But. Yeah.

Watchmen is damn near a perfect film adaptation of a graphic novel. Sure. There’s plenty of things it leaves out. But it encapsulates, basically, every theme that the graphic novel dives into almost perfectly. Legit.

Again. As much of a Batmansturbator as I am, Watchmen, the graphic novel, is the best I’ve read. Period. Theend.

And. Legit. This movie adaptation is done so well and awesomely that.. uh… yeah dude. It’s basically one of the best “super hero” movies I’ve ever wathed.

#8. The Scott Steiner Math Promo

I mene… I used to say this all the time. I’d pl;ay the audio clip of this promo a ton of times on the ole’ Drunken Radio Network. And I’d point to it as a reason why I love pro-wrestling.

And I mean. All of those sorts of sentiments are totally true. For a long stretch there, Santino Marella was the only reason I had to watch Raw. During the mid-2000s-early-20219s. Wrestling is meant to be entertaining. I mean. Same is true for anything on television. So like. Yeah dude.

Sure. This promo… watching it? It’s not all THAT fun. Legit. I mean. You gotta keep you r eyes on Petey Williams to enoy it. Bt the “wrestling memes” type of thing that spawned from it? I mean… come on. Perfection. Right?

#7. Titanic

I’m sure I’vesaid this around these parts a couple of times but. Legit?

Most likely?

Titanic is probably the movie I’ve seen more times than any other (yes, even including Fight Club, back when I’d watch that every night in the eighth grade). A lot of that is contributed to, oh, hey, I’ve got nothing else to watch, but it’s on HBO again! So I’d put it on, you know? But still. Fact still remains. I’ve watched Titantic more times than any other. So.

And. Real talk?

I don’t even care.

Yes. Physics and stuffs have been disproven (and like… seeing Titanic’s ass up in the air in that “tribute” video” there looks so silly now) but I don’t care.

Titanic is pretty much the perfect movie. Legit.

It’s not the best movie ever. No.

As Bane once said…

“That comes later.”

#6. The Eiffel Tower… at night…

I mean. You see it right there. And. I mean. Yeah dude. Fuck that shit. All of that picture looks ugly as fuck. Right?

ut I mean.

Watching it twinkle and shit from my, practically, youth hostel hotel window was pretty awesome. Not gonna lie. I mean. The Eiffel twoer, doing its twinkling gimmick at night was the only GOOD part of Paris during my European adventure. Which. I mean. I need to ramble about sometime.

RANDOM SIDENOTE: Jesus Christ. Looking at my full body there. How in the living cunt did ANYONE think I was such a fat ass back then? Right?


#5. Basically, all of Italy (that I saw). Except Rome.

Aside from the Capital buildiong of Rome. Cause like. That shit was too beautiful that I got separated from my group because ot it.

RANDOM SIDENOTE: Oh… that’s why.

Florence (as seen above)? Assissi? Just like… Especially after Paris… seeing any part of Italy was such a breath of fresh air of awesomeness. But. Whatever.

y the way… aside from the roof paintings of… the Sistine Chapel? The Vatican is pretty God damn ugly too. Especially the ombs of the popes. It so damn crepy. Ugh.

Again. I need to do the “European Adventure” rambling I’ve been meaning to do for years now.

#4. Garden of the Gods

I mean. Pretty self explanitory here. Right?

#3. Eric Bischoff’s Ted Talk

Dude. I just watched it again. And like. I mean.

There’s no doubt how amazing Eric Bischoff is. KLegit. His 83 Weeks is, honestly, the only “werestling posdcats” that I give a shit about.

Buit stiill dude. The guy’s brilliant. This ted talk (which is one of the main things I know, for sure, I’ve said around her is one of the best things I’ve ever seen with my eyeballs) is one of the best things I’ve ever seen. With my eyeballs. Hands ALL the way down.  There’s no debate here. This is so damn brilliant and awesome. Period. The end.

#2. Wrestling Isn’t Wrestling

I justy rewatched this for the 200tyh time. And like.

It still brings tears to mty etes.

Over the 5+ years that this Youtube video by Max Landis has existed, I KNOW, for a fact that this is the thing I’ve referenced time and time again on as” the best thing I’ve seen with my eyeballs.” There’s not doubt, I’ve referenced it (in general_ more times than anything else. (Aww… poor Shawn Micaels) and just.

Ugh man. Story telling is a beautiful thing. As much as I fancy myself as a story teller.. I doubt I’ll ever create something as perfect and beautiful as Max Landids did with this half-hour-ish Youtube video. Good god man.


200thish time I’ve watched the thing. And. Tears. Come. To. My. Eyes.

“It’s still real to me damn it” ignorant argument all you want. But. STFU. This shit is beautiful. The end.

#1. The Dark Knight


This is the best movie ever. By my estimation. Mostly because, this is the movies I’ve wanted to watch since I was six-year-old.  Nitpick it all you want. I don’t care. Nothing will ever compete with how awesome this movie is and always will be. I don’t care.

Sure. Heath Ledger’s Joker gets all the headlines. But legit. The movie’s NOT about Joker. It’s about Harvey Dent. Two-Face is (and has been since I was six-years-old) my favorite Batman villian. Joker, obviously, is Batman’s best billain. But. Twe-Face is my favorite. Having both of them in a movie? And both of them are portrayed by actors so superbkly that like… there’s no mistaking how good BOTH of them were?

Legit dide. Aaron Eckhart doesn’t get 1/10th of the credit he deserces. The dude WAS Harvey Dent and Two-Facejust as much as Heath WAS the Joker.

The Dark Knight.

BNest shit I’ve evedr seen. With my eyeballs. I don’t care.

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