12DoDM: Day 1 – Die Hard

REMINDER: I’M NOT FIXING ANY TYPOS BECAUSE I’M DRUNK AND IT WILL MAKE THIS RAMBLING MORE SILLY AND INSTRESTING

So. As I promissed on the last episode of Harms’ Way, We”re going to kick this whole “12 Days of Drunkenmass” off right. Right here. Right now. We’re starting with a film that I have never, ever seen. Given my 27 years of existance, this may come to some sort of shock. But hey.

Die Hard? Believe it or not. This is. LEGITIMATELY the VERY first timer that I’ve EVER watched the film, Die Hard. Forreals. This is the first time I’ve ever even TRIED to watch the mpovie. This is rthe firstime I’ve ever even CARED about trying to watch this movie.

The point is.

Fuck you, Nick Mundy. I’m watching. For the VERY first time. ANY movie 9in this series that should take note of the phrase:

“Some Habits… Die Hard.”

Let’s Christmas this shit up.

1. Random late 80’s/early 90’s busniessman’s all like.. giving al quada some secrets about taking off shoews ans shit.
2. 1988. What else happened that year? Hrmph.
3. Uh oh. That same businessy cunt that Bruce Willois just talked to on the airplane is THE businessy cunt that he’s got to kill and shit. Because. Business. Right?
4. Tha’s my predictionj anyways.
5. 80’s hairdos. WHY?!
6. So. Paulina just probes. This immigration debat began LONG before Donald Trup entered the race.
7. Tom Hanks hates that that dude took all of those luggade carriers right now.
8. Bruce Willis, alright, fine… it’s is first time in a limo. But. WHY does he sit in front?~
9. SO, very, VERT dumb right off the bat.
10. But apparently. ONLY cops sit in the front seat when they’ve got limo services. #AllLivesMatter.
11. The terminal that Jon McClain uses does its bnest XBox One impression.
12. if all the crazy, shoot-em-up nonsense starts now. I’ma be pissed.
13. Cocaine users are involews here.
14. Some sort of “racist” Japan joke happened just then.
15. I’m pretty sure this phrase makes sense here. Already.
    
16. God damn it. The shoot-em-up bit about this movie is already about to begin. At this Chirstmas party. As if it were written in 2015 or something.
17. HOCKEY PUCK BOMBS~!
18. Npo need for Kevin Smioth with thos pockey huck refgerences.
19. Something about John McClain’s daughter?
20. God damn it. John McCalin’s about to go to war at this facility. Sigh.
21. Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein1 Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein!
22. Atomatic weapons. If nly Ronald Reagaan had taken care of this problem. DANG DARN DANG IT!~!
23. And… God damn it. The whole movie takes place in this one building. For fuck sakes.
24. No wonder the NES game was such shit.
    [youtube width=”600″ height=”365″ video_id=”RL0YWB8wMDs”]
25. You HAD to drag Alan Rickman into your shit. Didn’t you?
26. This opens another conundrum. Who dictartes that Aln Rickman is the BEST ONLY villain, EVER?! ILLUMINATI~! 2012~!
27. And. Seriously. At this poiunt. I’m asking. How in the living CUNT could ANYONE consider this to be a “Chirstmas” movie.
28. Alan Rickman is coming up though, 2012~!
29. I’m Alan Rickman and I approve this message.
30. Alan rickman’s lke… lety’s freeze shit. RTight? Because. That’s TOTAL Villainay~!
31. But then. DUN DUN DUNNNNN~!
32. Alan Rickman makes some footsteps to disrupt this… plan? Plan? Is there one?
33. Yes. There IS a plan. And briuce Willis is there to STOP IT!
34. CHRISTMAS!~
35. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS DIE IN TO CHRISTMAS YOU CUNTS?!~
36. This mostly dies into a Smithe/Kingpin/Spider-man/90’s Animataed Seriesnmess awesomethings. Becuas.e “Smithe” was just on screen. Before John McClain putr a gun to his head.
37. Then. Tumblew down the stairs. Becauise. WHy not?
38. I’ve still not seen any evidence as to why this is a “Chirstmas” moviel. Seriously. I’ve seen nothing.
39. Buttons~@! BOOM~!
40. Alan Rickman is pro-choice.
41. WHOA~! Alan Rickman just, ironically, said, “Ho ho ho.” CHRISTMAS~!
42. Something about pizzas. Which is what I’d rather be doing right now. Eating pizzas.
43. CHRISTMAS~!
44. Guns~!
45. Shooting~!
46. Violence~!
47. Ban them~!
48. Alan Rickman is proving to be a cunt?
49. And Bruce Willis is lighting a lighter in the vemtilation system. Things.
50. Sti.lll. Legit. NO sign olf Christmas in sight.
51. Something about cops. But. Gasp. ONLY glack lives matter! DUH?!
52. WHOA~! Random dudes said merry Christmas~!
53. Then… some black dude starts singing “Let It Snow.” As if they were as “racist” as the MCU currently is.

    

54. FUCK YOU ALAN RICKMAN~!
55. Something about… ambul;ances?
56. Something about feet? Mauybe? Really. Nothing makes sense. Just. Random shooting and things.
57. Something about missing bagsa on the tarmac? No. But…
    
58. Random bells ringing. Sleightness. Stiuffs. CHRISTMAS~!@
59. Cops in the arrea are all like, “OMG~! did you know about Jon McClain?!” “NO?!” “Neither did I?!” THings.
60. Fucl this pl;ot.
61. MERRY CHIRSTMAS~!
62. The Family Ties dad just got pissed. And it had NOTHING to do with urkel this time.
63. MERRY CHIRSTMAS!
64. And I mean.l If Die Hard can’t hold my attention. Then… what’s yhe point. Innit?
65. BOOM~! FEERT~! AWESOMENESS~! JOHN MCCLAI KILLS ALAN RICK,AN~! WHY?!