Burying Asuka in Osaka

I’d like to thank Ferres, my former repulsive sidekik, for, semi-influencing the title of this rambling. Though Alaska isn’t involved. Ferres’s influence should be ver present.

But. Whatever.

Dude. Last time I rambled. Right? Just a couple of days ago. It was my birthday. And all that. Whatever.

As far as WWE/Wrestling/whatever goes. This would be the first “live” episode of SmackDown to ever air on my birthday and such. I’m sure various episoes of SmacDown have happend. But whatever. I was all pumped up to watch the show and such. It’s ‘Manis season. First ‘Live” eidtion of the show.

And you knew this whole situation with Kogi Kingsont was about to do… something. I was pumped for something cool.

Ramblings for the night/morning were done. I was about to put SmackDown on. But I had to take a shit. And. As per usual. I grab my phone. I bring uup the YouTu be app. And I see “Shock WWE Title Change on SmackDown Live + More” from WhatCulture wrestling.

With this as the thumbnail.

And. Dude.

I’m overcome with a tidal wave of bullshit.

  1. Fucking. Again. WhatCulture spoils somethingformeatleastthey’renotasbadasWrestlelamiawaitaminutethat’sAsuka’stitledidshelosetoMandyRose?WTFisgoingon?!
  2. I take myshit. Afterwards, I put smackDown from my DVR on, and fast forward everything till the finish of the match. Hell, I didn’t even see who Asuka was fighting. Just saw her tapping out to the figure eight. Again.
  3. And. I lost my shit.


I don’t know why, how, or anything else. But forreals. Asuka. IS the reason why I started to TRULY give a shit about wrestling again last year. When she made the jump to the main roster in 2oo17, I was totally hooked. But. I mean. I went into deatals about this before. So whatever. I’m just reiterating.

Asuka. Made me. Give a shit. Perioud.

‘Mania comes around last year. And there was speculation back then, merhaps, Asuka vs. Charolete would go last and shit. And. Fuck yuou dude. It WAS the match I cared the most about. With Bryan’s return coming in at a close second, I suppose. So. Whatever. I don’t know. Whatever.

Asuka loses. Not even mid-way through the show.



She’d then go on to job our to Mr. Frog person himself, James Elmsworth. No. She didn’t LITTERALLY jov to him. But fuck you. Goes on to do fuck all in a tag team with Naomi. Because neither of them are blondes with big tits. Probably even loses more matches throughout all of that.

Finally. End of the year. And she gets the title she desrved. And. Again. Does fuck all. Except for beat Becky Lynch, whose, basically, the most overrated thing to happen to wrestling since, well, Charolette Flair. Dude. I’m sorry. But being TOTALLY AGRESSIVE AND AWESOME ON SOCIAL MEDIA isn’t “WOW~!” worthy. Not in this lant of bullshit 50/50 booking. Where nothing matters. Where being SEMI-SGRESSIVE AND MEANINGFULL is the only thing that stands out in a sea full of blandness. So yeah. OF COURSE Becky Lynch is awesom. She’s been THE ONLY THING presented as awesome. Whatever.

And. FFS, Don’t get me started on Charolette’s cringefest whenever she tries to, “Wooo!” Like her father.


Asuka… at least… WAS LEGITIMATELY… something as awesome as The Undertaker. A wrestling character that hat “(FUCKING) IT!,” as soon as they came out of the curtain.

But instead of having Undertaker give a defeat to Hulk Hogan. They’ve made Asuka job out to fucking Virgil.

And fine. Blah. Blah. Balh.

WhatCulture positive spn on this as much as you want. Sure. Having all of the Fur Horsewomen holding titles at the end of the night is a cool image akin to WrestleMania XX. You know with *gasp* Chris Benoit involved.

Fuck you.

WWE’s bending the knee to… most every other progressive idea these days… so… how the fuck would having Asuka be the SmackDown Women’s CHampion in there, replacing charolette, hurt things? An Asian woman taking the place of another white woman helps their “progressive image” far more than it hurts, right? Or… whatever. I don’t know.

Fuck. I’ve gone about all of this the wrong way.





Boom. Solved it.

There. Now WWE will realize the mistake they’ve made. I’ve progressed all of this. And Jesus. I felt SO DIRTY.

But. Forreals. Asuka. Everyhone. Everything. Deserves so much better. THis. Shit. Is total. Complete. Bullshit.

The end.

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