The Sate of the American Union

If you were one of the select few that actually paid attention to the President’s State of the Union Address made on Jan. 19, 2015, most likely, you took away this message:

The economy is doing better. The internet is going to be MORE free SOOOOON! (with Net Neutrality laws) Democrats are going to work MORE closely with Republicans to make awesome laws in Congress. The President is going to seek free community college for all Americans. The Affordable Care Act has insured something like 1,000,000,000,000 previously uninsured Americans. Unemployment is down to .0001%. Al Qaeda is so irrelevant, that they weren’t even mentioned in this “SOTU” for the first time since the September 11 attacks (throughout this sarcasm, that is an actual fact). The Charlie Hebdo attacks were all because free speech provoked random idiots.

All of that.

There’s no reason to be concerned with Russia becoming a nationalistic expanding empire (because… you know, Fascism is awesome!). There’s no reason to think that ISIS(/ISIL/IS) is gaining momentum despite being the “JV” team.

But really. Nothing to be worried about right?

At the end of the day, the President is just looking to make living more simple. He wants wages to be fair. If you’re a woman in the workplace, you should earn equal to a man’s salary. If you’re working for minimum wage, you should be able to support a family (even though, less than 1% of the national workforce is attempting to do so).

Are you questioning what the President said? Are you, the free-thinker, having doubts? Do you not recognize the Utopia that the President spelled out for you?  Well…
It’s all good.

Don’t worry about. It.

Because. Well. I don’t know what could happen in the future. I don’t claim to see the future or anything. But President Business (WHAT?!) just told me everything is awesome. Hell. He said this:

Even though…

Asked which one or two words best describe the current state of the union before President  Obama’s address Tuesday night, the top responses are “divided” (40%), followed by “recovering” (23%), “troubled” (19%), and “deteriorating” (19%), according to a new NBC/WSJ  poll.

But. None of that matters. At all.

Nothing bad is going to happen. Ever again!


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