Drunken Watching of… The First Presidential Debate (2016)

So, as I write this here, right now. I am, in fact sober. Howver, I’m going to be playing a drinking game whilst watching this trainwreck. So, this should be pretty interesting. Kinda. Right?

I’ll be playing this game from DebateDrinking.com (with a few rules added by me).
Drink when Donald Trump says:

  • Tremendous
  • Believe Me
  • China
  • Failed
  • Excuse Me
  • Bigly (or Big League)
  • Winning
  • Mexico

Drink when Hillary Clinton says:

  • Family
  • Middle Class
  • *Cough*
  • Russia
  • Women
  • Together
  • Fair Share
  • Billionaires.

I’ll also be taking a drink whenever either of them says anything crazy that’s of note. I’ll be taking notes of each drink I take here. TYhey’ll be in numbered in parenthesis. This will all make sense when it gets going. No worries.

A quick word about all of this. I’ve checked out of this election months ago. I’m watching this debate pureply for the “entertainment.” So. Yeah. Stuffs. Stuffs. Things. Words.

And here we go.

  1. Don’s resting Dona;d face strikes again.
  2. “…what kind of futurue we want to build together.” (1)
  3. Clinton’s nonsense is already hard to take. (2)
  4. Three buzz words in her opening answer alone. (3)
  5. And she didn’t really answer the question did she? (4)
  6. Pretty much have got to chug my drink with Trump’s first answer (8)
  7. So… Trump’s first answer was almost literally… (10)
  8. “”The biggest tax cuts for the top percents.” -Hillary Clinton
  9. Something about Hillary’s dad, I guess. (Middle Class. 11)
  10. So, the party of small government is offering up new biusiness taxes. (14)
  11. “Indepoendent experts have looked at my plan.”

  12. I dunno. This is just so Go damn rediculous at this point. But I’m pretty sure I’m upto (17) at this point.
  13. The Hillarybot 3000 is way too obvious. (20)
  14. Something about Hillary fighting ISIS her entire adult life? OK, Don. (24)
  15. “The fed is doing political.” -Donald J. Trump (26)
  16. So. The whole tax records thing, right? I pretty much agree with Clinton’s listed reasons as to why Trump won’t release them other than the whle, “He hasn’t paid taxes in 50 years the asshole!” Nonsense. Sure, that strategy worked wonders for Harry Reid and Romney in 2012. But still.

    RANDOM SIDENOTE: This is literally where I paused my TV just before writing that bit about tax records.
    RANDOM SIDENOTE: This is literally where I paused my TV just before writing that bit about tax records. Credit to my sober sidekick, of course.
  17. Then, Trump just sayshe hasn’t paid taxes. Basically. “That makes me smart.”
  18. “Bragadocious” was just used during a presidential debate. (28(
  19. The Rpublican nominee is on about new roads and bridges.
  20. And now we move to race.

    sigh. (29)
  21. “Everyone should be respected by the law and everyone should respect the law.” -Hillary Clinton.
  22. And. Guns. Sigh. (30 because craziness)
  23. “It went before a judge who was a very against police judge.” -Donald J. Trump (31)
  24. “The relationships were really a beautiful thing.” -Donald J. Trump.
  25. Then. What happens? (32)
  26. And she’s back on about guns.

    “Military style weapons on the street?”
    “Our police our outgunned?”
    People on a Government generated list shouldn’t be allowed to defend themselves?
    Mental health/gun ownership?
    And… Trump agress with her?
  27. Basically, “hey there negroes! Remember to vote Democrat because Johnson told you to!” (35)
  28. And… here comes the birther movement. With all apologies to Drudge, of course. (36)
  29. And, obviously, Clinton dodges any sort of notion that her campaign created, “the birther lie,” as she calls it.
  30. “And Barack Obama went high.” -Hillary Clinton.
  31. “Donald publically invited Putin to hack the DNC.” -Hillary Clinton.
    Now, Trump’s love/admiration/relationship/whatever it is that is LEGITIMATELY going on with Russia is a very scary thing. But.
    FFS… (40)
  32. I would give Donlad Trump’s campaign $2 if he comes back and says, “2012 called, and it wants Obama to admit he was dead wrong about Russia.” Or… you know. Something more clever. Sadly, I realize this is Trump I’m talking about. And clever and Trump don’t mix.
  33. But of course, he didn’t.
  34. I’m pretty sure Trump just insualted me. Or something. “400lbs and sitting on their beds” and all that. I DEMAND A SAGE SPOACE! #FatLivesMatter (41)
  35. Number one. Both parties are calling for more governemnt control of the internet. Which is just…. You know Batman facepalm. (42)
  36. Number two. Trump still referes to the internet as “the cyber.” So. Just…
  37. Hillary Clinton admited there’s a califphate?! IS SHE ONE OF THOSE CUH-RAZY GLENN BECK LOVERS OR SOMETHING?!
  38. Sean Hannity is loving the fact that his BFF is giving him a shout out on the presidenitial debate stage. He’s trained HARD for this moment.

    You're disappointed. I know. I'LL OWN IT!
    You’re disappointed. I know. I’LL OWN IT!
  39. How… how in Go’ds green EARTH did Hillary Clinton JUST attacl Donald about “nuclear weapson,” and the nuclear codes and such WITHOUT mentioning that the dude, just a few months ago didn’t know what the nuclear triad was? How did that happen? Seriously? (43)
  40. And he’s still referring to it as “the nuclear.” (44)

  41. Donald Trump just called John Kerry “Secratery Curry.” (45)
  42. The iran deal was “very successful” according to Hillary Clinton.
  43. Hillary just attacked Donald Trump for what he has called women WITHOUT mentioning the “blood coming out of her whatever” bit. She just went to the “pigs, slobs and dogs” thing. Which was. You know. about Rosie O’Donnel. And… well. Coming from a male pig, sob and dog. I’d say it’s very apt.
  44. “Who said women don’t deserve equal pay unless they do a good a job as men.” Is this supposed to be a bad thing?
    Oh. Right. “5th wave feminism” has NOTHING to do with equality. Thanks fo the reminder.
  45. RANDOM SIDENOTE: I’m sure the Anita Sarkeesians of the world are very offended by EVERYTHING tonight. Because. MAN! And WOMEN! UGH! Or whatever.
  46. And then. It just. Kinda. Ended. (46(

So. Smething about final thoughts. Or whatever.

There were ONLY six “Batman facepalms” used. So… it’s not QUITE as bad as I thought it would be, I suppose. Although, I suppose I could have used the facepalms a couple of other times. But still. Ridicuoulsness all around. Obviously. And. Just. Dumbness.

Who won this debate? Like. WON it? Neither of them, honestly. Not to say they didn’t make good points on each other. This one went to a WWE-style time limit draw. No one won it. It was basically the Rusec/Reigns match from this same Monday night. The thing lastest WAY longer than it should have. And in the end, no one won. And the whole thing was basically pointless.

Which. You know. Pretty much sums up this ENTIRE election cycle.

I lknow I’m not the first to make this point. I’m pretty sure I’m at LEAST the 258,649th to make this point, actually.

But. The obvious loser of this debate?

The American people.

The end.
The end.

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